Wanna hear it?...here it goes....

Ok, so as you all know, Friday was my birthday. Everything that I had planned to do this past weekend fell through, and I do mean EVERYTHING! Even the small minute little things that weren't really a big deal, went sour on me. It really SUCKED! So I was really looking forward to next weekend, b/c that was when B. was planning to come up and we were going to celebrate the way it was meant to be done.......theoretically that is. Apparently it was all in theory b/c as my luck would have it...she's not even going to get to come up next weekend. Go figure huh? So I guess I will go home. There's nothing else to do and I don't want to spend another weekend alone sulking in my house and being a house frow. I want to get out and do something and there's no one here to do anything w/. If I go home I can go get the birthday steak I was meant to have and spend some much needed time w/ mom and maybe even find some time to drag B. off to get our piercings. It's like I told R., I don't think I was meant to have good birthdays and Christmas-es b/c it never fails that is things are going to go wrong and I am going to end up crying it will always be on Christmas and my birthday. Any other day of the year it's not that bad at all....but those two days, no matter what I do, how careful I am, how meticulous or non-meticulous I am, it never fails that no matter what happens everything will go to the dogs and I'll end up in tears. Welcome to my world, and ppl wonder why I'm so screwy.

I will have to say that the best thing that happened this weekend was I got to talk to my baby boy (the youngest of the two boys that I kept while I was in college) on Friday. I cried then just b/c I was so happy to hear his voice. However, it made me realize that he's growing up on me, and I'm missing it. That was a really hard revolution to have b/c I have seen everything in this kids life. I was there for the first time he sat up on his own, the first steps he took, the first time we went to the bathroom by himself, I took him out to eat at his first sit down restaurant, I have been there for almost the entire first 5 years of this kids life and now I'm not. That's really hard. Then his brother, oh geez, he was 3 when I started keeping them so I was there w/ him for a lot as well and now he's in 2nd grade and I am sure at the top of his class b/c he's incredibly smart. I guess I just miss them both so much. I am ready for the summer to get here. I am definitely going to Canada for a visit. I don't care what it costs or what I have to do, it'll totally be worth it.

I have so much I know I will be doing this summer that it's scary. I will be in Fla. for a week this summer, then I will be a camp for 1 possibly 2 weeks, I will be in Canada probably for about a week, and then who knows what else will be thrown in there. It should be interesting. When I told the boys that I would be coming to visit them this summer the oldest of the two pointed out that it meant that I was going to have to get on a plane.....which is going to be a new experience for me b/c I have never been on a plane before. However, he comforted me by saying that he would be at the airport waiting for me when I arrived. He's so cute. I am sure that when I get to Canada that I will just rent a car and drive myself but still, it was a nice thought. My babies are concerned about me.

Anyway, so I guess that will be all for now. I am going to jet out a little early and go get some pics developed and maybe pick up a new camera. I need one and I have had my eye on one for about 3 weeks now. I think it should have my name on it, don't you? It's a 6 megapixl 12x optical zoom digital that with tax will cost me well more than I should be paying but oh my gosh, when I say I need one I mean it. I am still using the one that my mother had when I was 12 (if not before) that she handed down to me, you know the old 35 mm type that you take a pic and then wait 5 minutes for the flash to recharge. I think it's time for an update. Anywho, I will talk to you all later. Be well and don't do anything I wouldn't do.