This is what happened to me last night. I was talking to B. about the current situation w/ R. and how he's finally got a date and all but I don't know if he's really letting go. I worry about him and I don't want him to end up missing out on things that would be better for him b/c he wants to get back together w/ me. At this time that ain't happening. He cheated on me....broke 1 of my pure and simple rules. I can trust him as a friend but not in a relationship. Who knows when that will change. But when I ended it we agreed that we would stay friends. Problem is, he hasn't really been letting go. He's trying now but I think in many ways he's still holding tight. B. tells me I am going to have to be cruel to be kind. That I need to cut him loose so that he will be able to move on. At least for 6 months or a year so that he can have time to process everything and really move on. We haven't done that. I told B. I didn't think that would be best but I could see what she meant but I hated to just do that. I have always prided myself in that my house is always open to anyone who needed or wanted to come or call or what-have-you. So she finally dropped it and we went on to other conversations.
Then the bitch got sneaky on me. I hate it when ppl basically make you give them the same advice that they have just given you so that you will have the realization that they are right. But that's EXACTLY what she did. We went to talking about how she never got over Mr. Vanilla (V.) the first time and that's why she was so quick to go back to him. She never stopped loving him. My remark was, "that's b/c he didn't let you get over him. He stayed around as your friend and you never had the chance to...............well damn......you're such a bitch...you just turned the tables on me." Needless to say, she made her point. Doesn't mean I have to like it. Doesn't mean I want to do it. But I see what she means. She's right. R. hasn't had time away to process that we aren't together anymore. We have stayed friends and still talk on a very regular basis. I don't want him to forever be waiting on me to possibly change my mind about us. Who knows if that will ever happen. I want him to move on and have a life and make new friends and memories that don't include me. That's part of moving on.
B. dropped everything and ran back to Mr. V the minute he offered. I don't want R. to be like that. He deserves better. I know I haven't been fair to him in many ways by staying such close friends at this point. He does need to move on and not have contact for a long stint. Now comes the hard part.......actually doing it. I HATE hurting ppl's feelings. I suppose you could say I'm overly empathetic. I know what it's like to get hurt and I don't like doing it to others. Anyone got any suggestions?
I still haven't talked to W. since I left last weekend. It's now Thursday. HUMMM.....oh well. They say hope floats but I guess this time mine sunk. At least we're still friends. I know that b/c we did text Monday and Tuesday. Nothing really yesterday though. One of the students I interpret for is routing for me though. I don't have my hopes up or anything. At this point I really am fine w/ us just being friends and hanging out whenever we are both home at the same time if that is all that is to come of it. No biggie. As Patrick says on the last show of the 1st season of the BBC comedy Coupling in his drunken sleep, " There are other fish in the toilet.....of love." I just seem to have better luck at pulling out sh*t. I'm diligent in the belief however, that eventually the sewer will be cleaned and then the fish will start to bite. I refuse to become what Jeff (same series) calls "an unflushable." That's why I'm not hangin' on for W. If it happens, it happens...if it doesn't, oh well, at least we had a little fun along the way. *evil grin*
B., just remme it's a COCK that is the rooster we want...not a cock. ;oD And that's an additional $4.99 to your bill. hee hee.
So remme kiddies, when traveling the roads of life:
Love hurts, life's a bitch, and the truth is never easy.
and
It's only 15 more days until my B-day!
Until next time - *blows kisses*
1 comment:
Like you said, it's not my place to tell you anything about R. You are on your own for this hon.
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