*SIGH* So, let's see....I basically went home feeling like shit yesterday b/c of the obvious harsh truths. It SUCKS to have to end it like that w/ R. I know it hurts him but I know it has to be done. He e-mailed me and said he wouldn't be writing, calling, or contacting me for a long time. I know he still loves me and wants things to work out but I don't know if that will happen. I don't want him to sit around waiting on me. W. suggested that I give him"one last ride" first but when I explained the implications of that he understood and agreed that would be a bad idea. Seems he'd had a similar situation w/ an X as well though and agreed that I probably was doing the right thing. *sigh* I just hate it when I have to hurt ppl on an emotional level. But otherwise it's almost like I am playing w/ R.'s emotions and that's even worse. I have been there and done that w/ J.R. and that REALLY sucked. Looking back it would have been SOOOOO much easier on me if he had made a clean break as well. He didn't though and I ended up having a mental breakdown b/c of it. NOT PRETTY! I don't want to do the same w/ R. He deserves better.
B. and I had a long talk about it all yesterday and she left me feeling like shit...then when I called her last night she didn't want to stay on the phone long b/c she was tired b/c we had been on the phone until 2:00 the night before. I get that...NP right? Yea...then I get waken up at 11:30 w/ a text from her saying that she had gotten freaky w/ Mr. V again. OK....wait....am I the only one that thinks this situation is TOTALLY F'd up? I get it though. I totally understand. I'm disappointed but I get it. Can't say that I haven't been there. I pretty much did the same thing w/ J.R. so I really do totally get it. However, W. and I have a bet that they'll get back together before V-day. Who knows if we're right - I don't. I'm just praying that things will work out for the best for her. Lord only knows what that is...I don't.
So from the above you have probably figure that I finally talked to W. this morning. We were texting b/c of everything that has been happening outside of the stuff w/ he and I and he told me to call him and I did. I'm glad I did. By the time that I got to school I was more at ease. I fell asleep last night (the first time I went to sleep) crying b/c I felt like things were going to hell in a hand basket. Basically for the first time in a really long time frustration caught up w/ me and overwhelmed me all at once. I hate it when that happens. W. helped me sort some things out and told me just not to expect so much. We talked about several things and before I got off the phone w/ him I told him to call me back when he got off work b/c I wanted to talk to him about some other things. Typical guy, he thought it was something bad and wanted to know what it was about, "is it bad, good, something I won't like...what?" I told him I didn't think that it was bad but then again I didn't know what he would think. He asked if it was about the situation w/ us and I did confirm that. I told him I had been considering some things and I want to know his thoughts on it. I'm prepared for whatever he says. If he tells me he doesn't want to get into a relationship right now I am ok w/ that. Not a problem. Like I have said before, worst case scenario is that we are just friends. With W. I am ok w/ that. I know that no matter what he'll always be a pain in my a$$ so either way nothing really changes much. It really is a can't lose situation.
*Sigh* So I suppose that we shall see....FINALLY. If he gets off work early enough to call and talk that'll be nice. If not, he knows what I want to talk to him about and he may dodge it for a while. That's ok too. At this point.....I'm good w/ whatever. I can't keep putting things off and waiting for everyone else. Like I tell everyone else....Build a bridge and get over it. So the bridge is in progress.
Today I am driving home to visit the family. My nephew's b-day is the 7th so his party is this weekend. Can't miss that and it's time to go see Papa and Granny again as well. Should be nice. I am to S.'s house first b/c she is having a party. Kinda like Home Interiors only w/ sex toys. That will definitely be interesting. Then Sat. I have the birthday party and will probably leave there and go hang w/ B. for a while. Hopefully she will be able to go to church w/ me on Sun. Then it's back home for me. 14 more day until my birthday but unfortunately it may not happen to be anything. B. may not be able to make it due to lack of funds. If W. comes it won't be a big...we'll just go on as planned just w/o the new piercings. Otherwise....who knows. I trust that it'll all work out on it's own. Every other b-day I have ever had has never been a big deal...why should this one. I think that the last time that I had a party of my own I was 7. I had some ppl that had come to have a sleepover. It was great, until my mom found I had lice and everyone had to go home. I think I learned from that not to plan anything. LOL. I am sure that L. and I will go out and do something, it'll just be on a smaller scale. We'll figure it out.
So, conversation w/ W. to be had and so forth. I am sure that will show up here at some point. Until then I guess that is all that has happened that is stuck in my head and heavy on my mind at this point. Hopefully no one else will try to add to the already full load. There's just one thing I have wanted all day long and haven't had.
I just wanna hug!
Some one to snuggle and watch a movie w/ while relaxing and thinking about nothing but the feel of a nice warm body next to mine would be nice.....but a hug would suffice. LOL.
So again kiddies, until next time....and as always, don't forget the safe word. It really sucks when that happens.
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