Thursday, May 08, 2008

The Chaos Phase

So things are really strange right now. It's finally been decided, R. & I both finally have jobs in S. GA and we will be living in Papa's house until he gets his next promotion. We had made peace w/ the move and were excited about the possibilities it opened up for us to be able to pay off some bills and do a few fun things as well - at least until we had family get pissy and when R. tried to "walk away" (hang up) they threatened to come out to the house and finish the argument. So it was quickly decided at that moment that we weren't going to stay there any longer than absolutely necessary b/c it gives easy access to those who just can't let go. So we're guessing that won't be more than about a year - 18 months tops. In all honesty neither of us wants to dip too far back below the gnat line for too long, w/ it's scorching weather, smothering humidity, and multitude of allergens. But it's something that we can live with and hopefully find the peaceful beginnings we were hoping for in the end. All of my things have been moved into the house and R. is already living there. I will be going down just as soon as school is out in about 2 weeks and R. will be going back to pick up the rest of his things next weekend. We aren't planning to unpack anything more than necessary at this point but we are excited that we will be near a few of our old friends again.

I am currently residing w/ friends just outside of Athens, which is a new experience for me. I miss being able to walk freely through my house w/o worry of what I am or am not wearing. There are so many differences w/ having house mates, but it's also nice not to have to go home and be alone as well. It's a toss up really. I liked having my privacy and such w/o concern b/c it was my mess, my stuff, and if it was messed up I had no one to be angry at me but myself. But I am enjoying staying w/ my friends. They are a unique group and I learn something daily.

It will be interesting to see the S. GA take on me upon my return. A lot has changed since I moved 3 years ago from the typical perspective. Those who really knew me will tell you that I'm still pretty much the same, only more. However, those who did not (which is most people) will see something totally different. I don't want to wear the masks anymore. I haven't worn them much since I moved here, and I don't plan on wearing them much when I move back South. People here get me, they know me, and those who don't - don't care. I've always been an open and blunt person, I've always been fun loving and tomboyish, I've always been sweet, loving and good w/ the elderly and children. All these things are a part of me and haven't really changed, but I think most of S. GA will see it differently. They will see me as a liberal, a feminist (HA), and I think they will finally get to see the girl. I think I have even surprised my family w/ the girl a few times lately. They aren't very familiar w/ that part of me either. I think they'll be pleasantly surprised.

I have already faced resistance. I have had people who will be family ask me to be something I'm not, to be that southern girl w/ the twang they *think* they see when I'm w/ my family - but they don't see that it's a rouse, another mask that I wear for the comfort of specific members of my close family. That mask will also eventually be dissolved, but slowly b/c I believe it truly is the last of them and one I have only held on to b/c of my father and grandfather. I keep the thick southern accent for them b/c it gives them comfort but you will find I slip in and out of it as needed much like satin across smooth skin.

So it should be intriguing to say the least. The wedding day is coming up fast. In a month I will be married. How weird is that. Do I doubt it? no. Am I worried about it? no. I am getting cold feet? no. But I know that I have planned to the point that I can't do anything else until I am back in S. GA to get it done myself. So that means I will have about 2 weeks to get it all done. Should prove interesting.

I am leaving out today going to S. GA for my girls night out party. Keeping it small b/c everything is so pricey and we're staying at L.'s aunt/uncle's house. So it's just me and the bridesmaids over 21 which are L., iB, and me. iB and I are going to S. GA tonight and will get up in the morn and drive on down to St. Merritt Island where L. is. Lord only knows what I am getting myself into w/ those two but I know w/o a doubt it will be good times. lol. I am sure that I will post some pics on the myspace page eventually, at least those that I don't mind being seen. *blush* Apparently iB has been busy making buttons that I will be covered w/. All I know is that the mildest one says "Last fling before the final ring." Ya gotta love my friends.

So I guess you can say the chaos has begun. We aren't to the mad dash phase of things yet but we're well on our way. Gimmie about 2 weeks and then the mad dash is on. Go figure huh? I will be grabbing my planner when I am home that somehow managed to get packed so that I can get it out and start working on my 2 day time line. I know that may sound crazy to some people but I think it will help me to keep my butt moving. I've done well thus far, just wanna keep the momentum up until the finish line. Wish me luck!