If only the Farm Boy knew the wisdom within those words:
I guess I grew up in a very different world. Possibly in a time paradox all my own that seems to surpass any concept understood by few below the age of 25. I grew up with a blatant understanding that family would always let you know what their opinion was about something you said or did and if you didn't want their opinion you shouldn't have made what ever it was public. However, I also always knew that I could always do my own thing and have my own opinion and no matter how much I screwed up and how different my opinion was from what my family though, they would still be there for me when I needed them.
That being said; FB has become another way to both keep up and watch out for your family. So for those overly opinionated or concerned family members there is the beauty of being able to limit what is viewed and by whom; which admittedly comes in handy. I also understand that I am a very blunt person and not everyone is appreciative of that, but if you don't want my opinion on something, don't make it public. So because I am so publicly honest I understand if a family member or even friend decides to limit what I may or may not view and admittedly, knowing some of my friends/family, I may even appreciate it. However, if you consider a person to be family or a friend you don't delete that person. There are several reason for this both for yourself and that person. You never know when something might happen and that said person might need to get in touch with you about something, or you might want to know what's going on with, let's say for example, your sick brother because everyone knows that when he's in the hospital the easiest way to get an update on when he's in/out of surgery or tests or whatever before you MAY decide to call is to check his wife's FB. But if you have deleted said wife you may not be able to get information as easily. It's also a huge slap in the face quite honestly.
Maybe it's just me, but if someone I had to interact with on a regular basis, and who was family or considered themselves my friend, was to be so rude as to delete me I would give them what they wanted. It would be assumed that if you deleted me, you have no interest in anything I have to say. Therefore, being the obligatory person I can be, you would no longer have to worry about hearing what I had to say. In fact, you could probably hang up having just about any conversation with me for a while. Admittedly I tend to stew on things, and it's not until things in my head have settled down to a simmer that it is even a good idea to consider approach. So for those family/friends who no longer wish to hear what I have to say: It's like my Papa Nichols always said, "I may not be able to do much for you, but if you just want to be left alone, I can definitely do that." So consider it done.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Monday, May 02, 2011
Celebrations, Jackasses, Clint Eastwood & 10¢
April 30, 2011 - Osama bin Ladin is finally dead. There are cheers and celebrations in the streets as people applaud the death of "the big bad wolf." The goose is finally cooked as they say. But is it just to celebrate.
To me it was more like finally having closure after the devastation that happened on 9/11. Nearly 10 years of waiting and the man who shouldered the responsibility for the events has finally been put to rest. But an article written by NPR said it best -"I don't think that the celebrations in the streets were our finest moment as Americans, and reminded me much of the anger I felt at seeing Afghans dancing in the streets at the fall of the Towers on that dreaded day."
It really bothered me to see that so many were actually elated that another soul had been damned and had missed the opportunity for repentance and salvation. Don't get me wrong - I am not a holy roller by any means and would never consider myself the best representative of the Christian faith but it just seemed wrong to celebrate the death of a soul I knew was not going to a better place.
There are times to celebrate a death. I have raised a glass to many that have gone on before me as I knew they were in better hands than any found here on earth. But maybe it was my "raisin's " that just wouldn't allow me to find joy in that moment. A sense of relief - yes; but joy - not at all. It was more like finally getting to the end of one of Daddy's never ending westerns where the bad man was finally put to justice and the heroes rode off into the sunset leaving behind much devastation and no real resolutions. (Remind you of almost every Clint Eastwood western you ever saw?) There's no real satisfaction in the ending, just the knowledge that there's one less bad guy in the world. You'll also have to excuse me if I don't exactly trust the governments in all of this either. To give you an idea using my Clint Eastwood reference again: I totally expect them to come out and have the ah-ha moment and we're all left standing around in disbelief as the nun turns out to be a common whore so it was no wonder she was surrounded by jackasses. (i.e. Two Mules for Sister Sara) Hopefully I'm wrong and they will finally release some proof that the nightmare really is over and we can all rest a little easier but my daddy may have watched a lot of westerns but he didn't raise no fool. It's not that I don't believe them but more of a - let me see for myself.
I also found it bothersome that people were crediting Obama for "finally getting the job done." HELLO - what the heck do you think our armed services have been doing over there this whole time, playing shuffle board? They found him, called for approval, Obama gave the go-ahead and *tada* job done. Thank you to our troops. Obama however, did a good job in his speech giving appreciation to the troops and paying respect to those that died 9/11 and since. It just seems that people walk around w/ blinders on more often than not. I just wish people would look around and see how their behavior and responses affects those around them. But that's just my 10¢ worth.
To me it was more like finally having closure after the devastation that happened on 9/11. Nearly 10 years of waiting and the man who shouldered the responsibility for the events has finally been put to rest. But an article written by NPR said it best -"I don't think that the celebrations in the streets were our finest moment as Americans, and reminded me much of the anger I felt at seeing Afghans dancing in the streets at the fall of the Towers on that dreaded day."
It really bothered me to see that so many were actually elated that another soul had been damned and had missed the opportunity for repentance and salvation. Don't get me wrong - I am not a holy roller by any means and would never consider myself the best representative of the Christian faith but it just seemed wrong to celebrate the death of a soul I knew was not going to a better place.
There are times to celebrate a death. I have raised a glass to many that have gone on before me as I knew they were in better hands than any found here on earth. But maybe it was my "raisin's " that just wouldn't allow me to find joy in that moment. A sense of relief - yes; but joy - not at all. It was more like finally getting to the end of one of Daddy's never ending westerns where the bad man was finally put to justice and the heroes rode off into the sunset leaving behind much devastation and no real resolutions. (Remind you of almost every Clint Eastwood western you ever saw?) There's no real satisfaction in the ending, just the knowledge that there's one less bad guy in the world. You'll also have to excuse me if I don't exactly trust the governments in all of this either. To give you an idea using my Clint Eastwood reference again: I totally expect them to come out and have the ah-ha moment and we're all left standing around in disbelief as the nun turns out to be a common whore so it was no wonder she was surrounded by jackasses. (i.e. Two Mules for Sister Sara) Hopefully I'm wrong and they will finally release some proof that the nightmare really is over and we can all rest a little easier but my daddy may have watched a lot of westerns but he didn't raise no fool. It's not that I don't believe them but more of a - let me see for myself.
I also found it bothersome that people were crediting Obama for "finally getting the job done." HELLO - what the heck do you think our armed services have been doing over there this whole time, playing shuffle board? They found him, called for approval, Obama gave the go-ahead and *tada* job done. Thank you to our troops. Obama however, did a good job in his speech giving appreciation to the troops and paying respect to those that died 9/11 and since. It just seems that people walk around w/ blinders on more often than not. I just wish people would look around and see how their behavior and responses affects those around them. But that's just my 10¢ worth.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Lest I forget...
I wrote this one day while sitting in a class a while back and was reminded of it today. I shared it with a teacher who told me I should send it to the paper. I chuckled and figure they wouldn't be interested in it but thought if nothing else I would at least blog it.
It should be understood that I have a rare perspective of education that not many people are privy to. I go into teacher's classrooms and interpret and I see the interactions between teachers and students, the discipline/lack of discipline, the interesting/boring, the genius/idiocracy within a classroom from students/teachers. I have also seen that since No Child Left Behind (NCLB) has been put into action not only have our educational expectations dropped to a staggering gut-wrenching low, but so have our disciplinary expectations, not just in school but across the board.
So I am likewise reminded of a poem that an old friend, Doris Metts, shared with me many years ago that I printed and gave to my mama. I am proud to say that I was blessed with one of "The Meanest Mothers In The World" and I can only hope that I am just as mean. But with times changing there are things that I will add to the list of things to do for mean mothers. I wrote a similar blog a while back titled: Rules of Engagment. But I figured it was time to add a few more things to the list lest I forget. That way if you see me doing these things with my children later, I beg you to throw my own words in my face and remind me.
Lest I forget....
I am sure that the list will continue to grow and as always I encourage everyone to add their own do's/don'ts to the list or to tell me how I'm lying to myself. Either way it will make for good reading and/or an interesting debate.
It should be understood that I have a rare perspective of education that not many people are privy to. I go into teacher's classrooms and interpret and I see the interactions between teachers and students, the discipline/lack of discipline, the interesting/boring, the genius/idiocracy within a classroom from students/teachers. I have also seen that since No Child Left Behind (NCLB) has been put into action not only have our educational expectations dropped to a staggering gut-wrenching low, but so have our disciplinary expectations, not just in school but across the board.
So I am likewise reminded of a poem that an old friend, Doris Metts, shared with me many years ago that I printed and gave to my mama. I am proud to say that I was blessed with one of "The Meanest Mothers In The World" and I can only hope that I am just as mean. But with times changing there are things that I will add to the list of things to do for mean mothers. I wrote a similar blog a while back titled: Rules of Engagment. But I figured it was time to add a few more things to the list lest I forget. That way if you see me doing these things with my children later, I beg you to throw my own words in my face and remind me.
Lest I forget....
- I will not assume my child is an angel.
- I will not allow my child to dress like a small prostitute. (linked is a MUST READ article!!!)
- I will teach my child that if you intend the keep your teeth you will not smack them at me.
- I will drop into my child's school to observe my child and the teachers.
- I would prefer to send my child to a private school since I feel that NCLB has lowered standards within the public forum to a ridiculous point that I feel to be insufficient for my child (donations to assist in this endeavor are accepted).
- I will teach my child manners - that they had better use.
- My child will understand that a phone call home from school for a negative reason will result in a whipping when they get home.
- I will teach my child the difference between racism and honesty.
- I will teach my child what sarcasm is, how to understand it, and how to use it - even when it goes right over everyone else head.
- I will teach my child that becoming pregnant before you are married isn't cool but is a disgrace and embarrassment to the family. It doesn't mean we don't love you but you should be prepared for the consequences, ridicule, and backlash that will ensue from those who you have disappointed.
- I will teach my child that my house = my rules. You are otherwise welcome to show yourself to the door or I will happily find you an alternative boarding school (i.e. boot camp or military school).
- I will teach my child that just because your friends have a cell phone doesn't mean that you should. You can have a cellphone that will dial someone other than your parents when you are able to pay the bill yourself. (God Bless the person that invented the Firefly).
I am sure that the list will continue to grow and as always I encourage everyone to add their own do's/don'ts to the list or to tell me how I'm lying to myself. Either way it will make for good reading and/or an interesting debate.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Training A Man And Getting Things Done
We were hoping to be able to hit Tifton this weekend but it just didn't come to fruition. I hate that we couldn't make it but at the same time I am glad that we don't have to weather the storm. The weather promises to be a mess and I'm glad not to have to drive in it.
We also have to find some time this weekend to make R.'s new Leader Dog video. They called Thursday and let him know that they were ready for his video for them to observe him for the purpose of accepting him into the dog program. They have apparently had a influx of applicants so the soonest they will probably get him in would be August or September. Not as soon as we had hoped but we really can't complain with that. We had just hoped that he would be able to go during the summer so that I could get up there to see him while he's there for a month. *Sigh* The joy of sending a man off to be trained I guess. lol. It's going to be a long month whenever he does go and I'm so not looking forward to it but we will make it through. However, I will apologize in advance to those that have to deal w/ me on a daily basis for the duration of his absence.
I'm also hoping to catch up on some sleep that was lost during my trip to DC with BHL/CM Orchestras last weekend, begrudgingly get some shopping done, and maybe even go check into a bridesmaids dress to get that ball rolling. I'm sure there's some things I'm missing but we'll see how much of it I get done. I think we can all see which came first on the list. lol.
So anyone who happens to be around....feel free to call after 12pm or come visit. I can't promise to be out of my pj's but you're more than welcome to chill. As is our custom, you're more than welcome.
We also have to find some time this weekend to make R.'s new Leader Dog video. They called Thursday and let him know that they were ready for his video for them to observe him for the purpose of accepting him into the dog program. They have apparently had a influx of applicants so the soonest they will probably get him in would be August or September. Not as soon as we had hoped but we really can't complain with that. We had just hoped that he would be able to go during the summer so that I could get up there to see him while he's there for a month. *Sigh* The joy of sending a man off to be trained I guess. lol. It's going to be a long month whenever he does go and I'm so not looking forward to it but we will make it through. However, I will apologize in advance to those that have to deal w/ me on a daily basis for the duration of his absence.
I'm also hoping to catch up on some sleep that was lost during my trip to DC with BHL/CM Orchestras last weekend, begrudgingly get some shopping done, and maybe even go check into a bridesmaids dress to get that ball rolling. I'm sure there's some things I'm missing but we'll see how much of it I get done. I think we can all see which came first on the list. lol.
So anyone who happens to be around....feel free to call after 12pm or come visit. I can't promise to be out of my pj's but you're more than welcome to chill. As is our custom, you're more than welcome.
If I Can't Laugh About It - Who Can?
It's no secret that I laugh and joke about the fact that my husband is legally blind. He and I both do really. We've come to the conclusion that we can either laugh about it and move on, or we can be the sad saps that everyone expects us to be. So we move on. But it intrigues me how people chastise me for making a joke of it, or making light of the situation, when they ask me about it. I'm not really sure what they expect. Some say that it's incredibly inconsiderate and un-PC, which just shows how little they really know me. Others just pat me on the shoulder and tell me how very sorry they are and how strong or mature I am, as most couples wouldn't survive such a tragedy; which is a double insult since 1.) you apparently thought so little of me and the relationship I have with my husband, and 2.) I don't need your pity.
So let's cover the facts:
I have one friend that told R. that she was upset that he wouldn't be able to see her well enough on her wedding day to see just how beautiful she is so she was going to have to get a braille dress. We continue to laugh.
Laughter may not always be the best medicine, but it's definitely one that gets you through the hard times and lets you come out on the other with a better perspective.
So what would you do in our situation? Would you choose to laugh, or let the world fall in around you? Would you still be with your significant other or would you have ran for the door? Would you move on with life or would you wear a chip on your shoulder for all the world to see?
What would you do?
So let's cover the facts:
- My husband is, and has been, legally blind since Oct. 22, 2009.
- My father still tries to hand him the keys to drive and still asks him what's coming when he's the passenger.
- We all still have to remember that he can't see it when we give non-verbal responses - You can imagine how many times I screw this up. lol.
- We find it funny when people get antsy and ask "What are you, blind?" and R. always responds, "well, yea...actually." The look on their faces hasn't gotten old yet and the hesitation in their voice is just as amusing to R.
- We would like to think that the warning signs for "Blind Drive" means that it just might be possible for him to give it a try or at least an option for the opportunity.
- "OMG - did you see that?....oh wait no...I guess you didn't." still happens often with us and we still laugh and move on.
- He threatens, pokes, whacks, and aggravates me w/ that white cane and I always threaten back saying, "I'm not like the people who apologize when you accidentally hit them, I will snatch it away and whack you back," to which he still chuckles about.
- The only people that think that R. is disabled is probably you and, as soon as the paperwork is through, the government. We prefer to say differently-abled. He still does pretty much everything he's always done.....just a little differently and with more time now than he used to.
- We are still a normal couple that likes to pick and aggravate each other, we just get to tease each other in ways that other couples can't. We don't do it in a mean spirited way and we always laugh about it.
- It's ok to use the word "see" when you're around. We don't get offended by it and people usually look silly trying to avoid it.
- We laugh a lot about various things, we make fun and laugh a lot about every day situations that we encounter that are more difficult due to his low-vision.
- We laugh and find joy in our everyday life.
- We choose to see past the hard times, the pain, and the uncomfortable situations with a smile and/or a laugh.
- I promise you that you won't hear me say anything about it that I haven't already said to him and I can pretty much guarantee you that the jokes we make together are way worse.
- We laugh - we don't expect your pity, your sympathy, or your issues with how we choose to deal.
- We laugh - and those who are close enough friends to be a part of our family join us in our laughter and toss in their own jokes and jabs in the process.
I have one friend that told R. that she was upset that he wouldn't be able to see her well enough on her wedding day to see just how beautiful she is so she was going to have to get a braille dress. We continue to laugh.
Laughter may not always be the best medicine, but it's definitely one that gets you through the hard times and lets you come out on the other with a better perspective.
So what would you do in our situation? Would you choose to laugh, or let the world fall in around you? Would you still be with your significant other or would you have ran for the door? Would you move on with life or would you wear a chip on your shoulder for all the world to see?
What would you do?
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Whips, Canes, & Hormones - Oh my!
Someone pointed out to me today that I really should start blogging again. It has been a while and much has changed since my last post. Those of you that don't know feel free to call and ask. Otherwise, it's apparent that you could care less. Your loss. A little blunt yes but I'm over the explanations at this point.
I convinced R. to start up another blog as well. He doesn't even remme how to get access to his old one and just decided to start another to blog about his cooking. He's calling it "Blind Chef." Seems fitting all things considered. However, what he hoped to be his first post didn't turn out the success we had both hoped for so he decided to wait on the first blog. So keep an eye out for it. I'm sure it will be interesting.
I think we can say R. and I both are glad to be back in Athens. It doesn't always go the way we had hoped but it always works out for the best. Prime example; we were really hoping to get a few more years out of the car....needless to say that didn't happen so we had to buy a new "whip" as the stars say. So we traded the Accord in for an Element which means we're now prepared for a kid and a dog when the time comes. Granted the dog will be sooner than the kid as Leader Dogs told him when he was up for training that they'd like to have him back up there sometime this summer for dog training. YAY! The kid we're still workin' on. Buying the car however, means that we aren't going to be able to pay things off and buy a house as soon as we were hoping but I am sure that it will all come in its time. Patience is a virtue I am still working on daily. I'm sure this is all part of it. After all, since when do things work out the way I plan them to? Guess it's God's way of telling me not to get ahead of Him. But for now we are content to live in our little apartment here in town. The location couldn't be more perfect for R., the commute is a simple one for me, and it has all the space we require with a bedroom to spare.
We had a late b-day party for R. and I on March 5 and actually had a house full of friends; some new, some old, and almost all of them signing. Those that didn't know any signs coming in the door walked out knowing at least a few, even if it was the dirty ones. lol.
Other than that - not much else is new. R. still beats me w/ his cane only now it's a white and red one. He's still working to finish up school and I'm still working in one. Although middle school really makes me question a desire for children. Keeping my fingers crossed that next year I will be back at the HS where all insanity is hormonal. By that time hopefully I'll be as pregnant as 1/2 the other teenage girls in the hall and just as hormonally attitudinal.
I convinced R. to start up another blog as well. He doesn't even remme how to get access to his old one and just decided to start another to blog about his cooking. He's calling it "Blind Chef." Seems fitting all things considered. However, what he hoped to be his first post didn't turn out the success we had both hoped for so he decided to wait on the first blog. So keep an eye out for it. I'm sure it will be interesting.
I think we can say R. and I both are glad to be back in Athens. It doesn't always go the way we had hoped but it always works out for the best. Prime example; we were really hoping to get a few more years out of the car....needless to say that didn't happen so we had to buy a new "whip" as the stars say. So we traded the Accord in for an Element which means we're now prepared for a kid and a dog when the time comes. Granted the dog will be sooner than the kid as Leader Dogs told him when he was up for training that they'd like to have him back up there sometime this summer for dog training. YAY! The kid we're still workin' on. Buying the car however, means that we aren't going to be able to pay things off and buy a house as soon as we were hoping but I am sure that it will all come in its time. Patience is a virtue I am still working on daily. I'm sure this is all part of it. After all, since when do things work out the way I plan them to? Guess it's God's way of telling me not to get ahead of Him. But for now we are content to live in our little apartment here in town. The location couldn't be more perfect for R., the commute is a simple one for me, and it has all the space we require with a bedroom to spare.
We had a late b-day party for R. and I on March 5 and actually had a house full of friends; some new, some old, and almost all of them signing. Those that didn't know any signs coming in the door walked out knowing at least a few, even if it was the dirty ones. lol.
Other than that - not much else is new. R. still beats me w/ his cane only now it's a white and red one. He's still working to finish up school and I'm still working in one. Although middle school really makes me question a desire for children. Keeping my fingers crossed that next year I will be back at the HS where all insanity is hormonal. By that time hopefully I'll be as pregnant as 1/2 the other teenage girls in the hall and just as hormonally attitudinal.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
I feel like they’re wasting our time
People often get angry and don’t understand why I say things sometimes. What makes it frustrating is that they don’t bother to ask me why. So let me explain.
“I feel like they’re wasting our time.”
I made this statement in relation to the progress Tift Regional Medical Center was making on our case the past week. It angered one of the people that heard me say it. However, I don't know that the person really understood why I said it and I don't know that they will eveer ask. But for my own sanity I would like to note here my reasons. I doubt that the person it angered will ever read this. But to avoid building up my own frustration and in an attempt to avoid a confrontation later I explain:
We were admitted on Friday to the hospital. The ER doctor was great. However, the admitting doctor, Dr. Gowdy was worthless. He refused the number that would have gotten him in contact w/ Robby’s doctor within 24 hours. He didn’t want to give Robby his daily vitamins b/c he couldn’t see where that was a necessity. And he didn’t see the point in giving Robby the thiamine that had been started for him in the ER. When the day time hospitalist, Dr. Phillips, came in we had to arrange for Robby to have all of his daily supplements as well the thiamine (did I mention that the diagnosis was officially a vitamin deficiency particularly that of the thiamine). While we arranged for that with the day hospitalist I also asked if his vision would return to normal. I was informed that “as of yet we are not sure what is the cause of the vision issues and cannot yet give a definite yes or no to that question, but I admit that there is a possibility that it will not return to normal and the longer we wait the higher the risk that it will not return to normal or become irreversible.” This freaked me out. Particularly since it was Saturday and they let me know that the optometrist and the neurologist wouldn’t be there until Monday. The neurologist came late on Monday but they informed us that the optometrist wouldn’t be able to be there until Tuesday since he was out of town and no final diagnosis could be made until the optometrist had see him and checked his eyes. So in the back of my mind all I could think was that if we’d have just gone on to Augusta we would had a diagnosis by now b/c we’d have been able to have seen both an optometrist and a neurologist before Monday. I am sure you can all see why I was freaking out. I knew that should this be something that Robby would not be able to recover from that I would be left w/ a husband that was legally blind and I would have to help him start from scratch. He’d have to relearn several things and find a new job, he’d have to choose a new profession and start over with college b/c you can’t fix computers if you can’t see them. He would be back at square one almost in terms of a career. They didn’t let us know until Wednesday that his vision would return to almost or completely normal and that it was definitely a vitamin and thiamin deficiency. WEDNESDAY!!!! So from Saturday until Wednesday I didn’t know if Robby was going to be blind or not. From Saturday until Wednesday I was scared that we were going to have to learn how to help my husband as a blind man. From Saturday until Wednesday I was scared to death and freaking out yet there are still people who are angry b/c I said I felt like they were wasting my time.
Anyone else have questions as to why I feel like they were wasting our time? Feel free to let me know.
I know some of you will read this and totally understand my frustration and wonder why there was ever a need to explain in the first place. I try to explain in an attempt to understand myself better as well. I promised myself a long time ago that I would stop stuffing down emotions and frustrations b/c it all creates a buildup which leads to anger and potentially depression. I have been there and done that and don't care to do it again. I realize that it sometimes makes people angry or uncomfortable while others appreciate it. I am old enough to realize that I cannot make everyone happy even though sometimes I desperately try.
In this situation the person that I was most concerned about was my husband. I realize that not everyone had access to all of the information that I did and were not aware of the potential issues. But for anyone who professes to even begin to know me or understand me at all should know that if I felt like a facility was doing what was best for the love of my life I would not have made that comment in the first place and that I would and did give praise where it was earned. However, Laurel Thatcher Ulrich said it best - "Well-behaved women rarely make history." I have never professed to be what most would consider "well-behaved" lady, nor to I expect to make history. I just try to do what I can, where I can, and I don't mind being the one person in the room that will voice an opinion.
“I feel like they’re wasting our time.”
I made this statement in relation to the progress Tift Regional Medical Center was making on our case the past week. It angered one of the people that heard me say it. However, I don't know that the person really understood why I said it and I don't know that they will eveer ask. But for my own sanity I would like to note here my reasons. I doubt that the person it angered will ever read this. But to avoid building up my own frustration and in an attempt to avoid a confrontation later I explain:
We were admitted on Friday to the hospital. The ER doctor was great. However, the admitting doctor, Dr. Gowdy was worthless. He refused the number that would have gotten him in contact w/ Robby’s doctor within 24 hours. He didn’t want to give Robby his daily vitamins b/c he couldn’t see where that was a necessity. And he didn’t see the point in giving Robby the thiamine that had been started for him in the ER. When the day time hospitalist, Dr. Phillips, came in we had to arrange for Robby to have all of his daily supplements as well the thiamine (did I mention that the diagnosis was officially a vitamin deficiency particularly that of the thiamine). While we arranged for that with the day hospitalist I also asked if his vision would return to normal. I was informed that “as of yet we are not sure what is the cause of the vision issues and cannot yet give a definite yes or no to that question, but I admit that there is a possibility that it will not return to normal and the longer we wait the higher the risk that it will not return to normal or become irreversible.” This freaked me out. Particularly since it was Saturday and they let me know that the optometrist and the neurologist wouldn’t be there until Monday. The neurologist came late on Monday but they informed us that the optometrist wouldn’t be able to be there until Tuesday since he was out of town and no final diagnosis could be made until the optometrist had see him and checked his eyes. So in the back of my mind all I could think was that if we’d have just gone on to Augusta we would had a diagnosis by now b/c we’d have been able to have seen both an optometrist and a neurologist before Monday. I am sure you can all see why I was freaking out. I knew that should this be something that Robby would not be able to recover from that I would be left w/ a husband that was legally blind and I would have to help him start from scratch. He’d have to relearn several things and find a new job, he’d have to choose a new profession and start over with college b/c you can’t fix computers if you can’t see them. He would be back at square one almost in terms of a career. They didn’t let us know until Wednesday that his vision would return to almost or completely normal and that it was definitely a vitamin and thiamin deficiency. WEDNESDAY!!!! So from Saturday until Wednesday I didn’t know if Robby was going to be blind or not. From Saturday until Wednesday I was scared that we were going to have to learn how to help my husband as a blind man. From Saturday until Wednesday I was scared to death and freaking out yet there are still people who are angry b/c I said I felt like they were wasting my time.
Anyone else have questions as to why I feel like they were wasting our time? Feel free to let me know.
I know some of you will read this and totally understand my frustration and wonder why there was ever a need to explain in the first place. I try to explain in an attempt to understand myself better as well. I promised myself a long time ago that I would stop stuffing down emotions and frustrations b/c it all creates a buildup which leads to anger and potentially depression. I have been there and done that and don't care to do it again. I realize that it sometimes makes people angry or uncomfortable while others appreciate it. I am old enough to realize that I cannot make everyone happy even though sometimes I desperately try.
In this situation the person that I was most concerned about was my husband. I realize that not everyone had access to all of the information that I did and were not aware of the potential issues. But for anyone who professes to even begin to know me or understand me at all should know that if I felt like a facility was doing what was best for the love of my life I would not have made that comment in the first place and that I would and did give praise where it was earned. However, Laurel Thatcher Ulrich said it best - "Well-behaved women rarely make history." I have never professed to be what most would consider "well-behaved" lady, nor to I expect to make history. I just try to do what I can, where I can, and I don't mind being the one person in the room that will voice an opinion.
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