The Cruelty Of Others

The cruelty of others never ceases to amaze me.  But I'd be a liar if I said that the audacity of the informed doesn't appall me.  There is a reason I keep certain people abreast of happenings in our lives - mainly so they can't unknowingly be a putz.  However, seeing as they are informed if/when they are a putz I can rightfully call them an ass.  It doesn't mean I do or will, but the option is there.

People don't realize how often I really do hold my tongue and just let things go.  But there are times that either I get pushed too far or the more I think about it the more the situation will bother me to a point I can't just let it slide.  Yet, even those who claim to know me so well are often the ones most stunned when I call them out.

A while back I had a person allude to the possible reason we haven't had children yet:

I posted - 

"Why are the women who make the worst mothers always the ones that are the most fertile"

To receive a response that basically said, "They're also usually the ones staying home and not working."

So apparently we haven't had children yet b/c I work too much. I guess I'm not home enough to take care of my husband so God wouldn't dare give me a child on top of it.  Yet this same person ridicules another for accepting government assistance so she can stay home with their child.  Psh.

[Obviously we are still trying.  We figure we'll give it a few more months and see how it goes.  If there's no success by the end of wrestling season then we'll make time to go to the doctor.  There are a few things we want to take care of first anyway.  If at that point we're still not pregnant we'll start testing me I guess.]

I realize that the last 4 years I have changed a great deal.  I have gained an abundance of patience, comparatively, and tend to handle things pretty well.  There are other things however that I realize I have lost sympathy and patience for.  I have little patience for true stupidity, even less for ignorance, and absolutely none for people who are inconsiderate and asinine   Add injury to insult when those people are actually family.

However the asshattery is not limited to family.  There are those at work and in the community that I have called out of late for referring to or talking to people as if they are lesser just because they happen to have what one would consider an impairment.  Just because someone is blind or deaf doesn't mean they are an idiot.  Likewise, just because I'm their guide or interpreter doesn't mean I'm their messenger.  You did something you want to apologize for - YOU go tell them you're sorry.  I'll be happy to guide you to them or interpret the conversation.  But I am not a relay service.

The problem is that these idiots, bullies, and ignorant people are not children as one would suspect - but generally educated adults that should know better.  I've often found myself in the role of advocate growing up.  Little did I know that it would become such a huge part of my life.  Now it seems I am constantly advocating for my students, my husband, my friends, and myself.  I'm fortunate enough to know I'm not fighting alone and I have a great support system within both friends and family.  I think the hardest part, for both R. and me, has been the weeding out process and realizing that we do have family that we've learned not to trust, rely, or invest in.

Now there are those who will read this and understand exactly what I mean, those who will sympathize and support, those who fail to see it for what it really is, those who will wonder who I'm talking about, those who will think its them, and those who know its them. But, no matter which of these you are, know that there is a reason I keep things vague and I don't use names.  If for some reason my post strikes a cord with you - check yourself because I'm sure there's a reason for it.  I write about the things that bother me so I can begin to let them go and forgive.  But don't be fool enough to mistake my forgiveness for gained trust and weakness.  Trust is something that when lost is harder than riches to attain.

Quick Vent

Written a while back and never published - I figure it's been waiting long enough:


OK CLASS - LET's REVIEW

Know the difference in stalking and being a public idiot
FB Drama

Don't bring your drama to my world unless you're willing to take my response w/o getting uppity

Common sense is not so common

Great year with exception but such is life. 

Work - loving it!  my constant.

Home is chaos but managable but family brings drama.....save your drama for your llama. 

Complaints about blessings.  Don't bitch to me about being preggo - sympathy is in the dictionary on that one.

Be thankful people - DANG! 

Crazy stalker eXs - I get...but at least I had a little common sense about it.  MAKE YOUR SHHHTUFF PRIVATE AND BLOCK THEM PEOPLE! IT'S NOT THAT HARD.  HANDLE YOUR BUSINESS AND DON'T GET ANGRY WHEN FOLKS THINK YOUR CRAZY!!!

Life's Hiccups and Giving It To God

Actively trying - a polite way of saying a couple is frequently participating in the act of coitus in an attempt to procreate.  Or in layman's terms, having sex for the purpose of becoming pregnant.  For most it's a natural and all too simple process, but for some it's frustratingly difficult.  Like most things in our world of complexities, nothing is quite as simple for us as it seems for the majority.  It instead becomes a test of patience, strength, and faith.

Now Lord knows, Papa told me years ago to never pray for patience, but apparently God feels I need a little more.  I have faith enough to know that I will eventually have children, but I also have sense enough to realize it will be in God's time and method and no my own.  Although, I will admit that just because I realize I can't control it, doesn't mean I like it.

There are so many factors for us to consider now.  Granted, I think we will be just fine, but that doesn't mean I think it will be easy.  I figure, like everything else, it will be steeped in trials and frustrations beyond that of typical parents, but such is our life.  We're ready for those challenges - or at least as ready as we'll ever be.

Between work, all that it entails, in addition to the challenges and acclimation that will inevitably take place, we'd like to have it towards the end of the school year.  That way my maternity leave will run into the summer and I can slowly work back up to my usual 12 hour work days by picking up summer work.  This would also allow R. to gradually become accustom to the challenges of dealing with a child when you have limited vision and head splitting migraines.  In order to achieve this however, we'd have to successfully fertilize this month.  Am I hopeful?  Yes.  Do I expect it?  No.  I'm optimistically pessimistic.  I'll be elated if it happens but since God rarely ever keeps the same time clock as I do, I'm not holding my breath for it.  I know His time is perfect and purposeful; so I wait as patiently as I know how - which is why I write.

Writing has always been my way of coping and dealing with life's idiosyncrasies.  When life is good - I enjoy.  When I face another of life's hiccups - I write.  Writing allows me to get it out and move on.  It's my way of venting, letting go of it, and giving it to God.  Which is why my posts aren't necessarily inspirational and moving.  Don't think I don't give thanks for the good times.  I realize how blessed we truly are and share that testimony often.  I just don't always take the time to write it down.  I should, but it just doesn't always happen.  I'm typically using the time to spend with R. or simply enjoying the rare moments of peace.  So until the next hiccup - be well, be blessed, and be in prayer with/for us.  _\m/

Hospitals, Headaches, and The Savior of Subway - AMEN!

I find myself more appreciative of Austin every day.  Naturally Austin brings a perspective of life that only comes with a dog. The boy has become an actively integrated part of our lives.  It's amazing how much at ease I am just because I know he's there.  I realize that, should something happen, there's no a lot Austin can do but he can help R. by making sure that no additional harm comes to him from others.  Austin becomes more and more affectionate the longer he's with us and even has times when he actively seeks it out.  He is comfortable enough now that he requires the leash less and less when venturing out to "park" and knows to stay by R's side even when the neighbor's cat sits taunting in the window.

A few weeks ago R. had kidney stones break loose and start moving about 1am.  It being the middle of the week, I was long ago to bed and hitting the REM state pretty hard.  When it moved R. was on the floor in so much pain his yelling was reduced to a whisper that I was unable to hear over the fans in our bedroom.  Austin came out from under his table, where he naps until R. goes to bed, to check it out and see if R. was just playing opossum or if something was going on.  Realizing that something wasn't right he began running between the bedroom and R.  R. crawled down the hall in hopes of waking me up, Austin continued to run between us nudging me each time and whining and going back to check on R.  Austin was what woke me up, but I saw him going back out the door and thought that R. had called to him to take him out.  Then, when he came back again and roused me, I woke up and moved to look over the edge of the bed at him but didn't see him, that's when I heard a whimper in the hallway and looked up to see R. on the floor.  Who knows how long it would have taken to wake me up if not for Austin.  The look of concern on Austin face was obvious and as we were quickly getting things in order to go to the ER R. said we could just leave him at home. "It's not like I can really walk and use him while we're there," he stated.  I laughed and pointed at Austin, "Do you really think I could in good conscious leave him here knowing how worried he obviously is and not knowing how long we'll be gone? No, I'm grabbing his harness and lunchbox and he's going with us."  Austin was perfect at the hospital and likewise the hospital was welcoming and accommodating.  St. Mary's Hospital here in Athens was familiar with the protocol for service animals and a nurse was kind enough to even bring Austin a blanket so he wouldn't have to lay on the cold floor.  We did however, figure out that we need to have an emergency pack ready for Austin in case of another ER visit.  Austin was so worried that he started trying to gnaw on the blanket they provided for him at the hospital.  After he was reprimanded several times for it he began chewing his nails.  So Austin now has his own emergency pack that includes a chew toy.  Hope we never have to use it, but it's here just in case. 

There are those who may be confused by the fact that R was willing to leave Austin at home.  What some people don't realize is that Austin is very much like a child. He gets restless, he gets excited, he gets tired and ill so there are times that it's just better and/or easier to leave him home. I wasn't willing to do that because in this instance I could see that Austin was as worried and scared as I was and I knew I wouldn't want to sit at home and wait anymore than he did.  But there are times that it's better for him and or R. for him to hang back.  It helps R. make sure he keeps his cane skills intact and sometimes to make sure Austin gets his rest as well.  There are many reasons someone may leave their guide dogs at home, but it doesn't mean that the guide dog is any less useful or unnecessary.  If we are going somewhere R. is familiar with, or where he knows he's going to just be hanging out not doing much, and/or won't be back until late, it's sometimes best to leave Austin at home to rest and/or be less of a distraction.

For example, this past weekend R. went to hang out with his brother, who lives w/ his mom, late one night after dinner. We knew we wouldn't be back until 12-1 am and it was a place R. knew well enough that even I could walk around blindfolded, so in this instance, assistance wasn't needed.

But there are also times that we do things that are wholly for Austin.  We are firm believers that Austin helps take care of us and brings us laughter daily, so we make sure that he gets pampered on occasion and has a good time when he can.  Austin had a couple of new fun experiences last weekend that were all about him. On Friday he had his first experience riding in a convertible. He thoroughly enjoyed it. So we figured we'd give him a chance at riding in the back of a truck. He LOVED it. After church Sunday, before our yearly family gathering, my dad took him for his first ride. When they got back to the house and Austin saw me it was like he was trying to tell me about his ride. He ran up to me dancing, turning circles, and running back and forth like a maniac between R. and me as if to say "OMG it was amazing and awesome, come on R. tell her!" I just laughed asking, "Well did you have fun?" to which he responded by jumping up and running circles around me. I'd call that an absolute yes he had an amazing time. So we got him to settle down but knew that after so much excitement getting him to lay still under a table in a room of 30+ strangers, large quantities of food, some of which may fall on the floor, would be a job that diminished the ability to visit with family we only see once a year. The family gathering was also held at the church we have attended since before we married and in which we were married. I'd classify it as a familiar place. So again we left Austin home to simply enjoy the afterglow of his adventure.

Now understand, thanks to my profession, I read body language so well that people often think I understand foreign languages or have an acute ability to read lips.  But because of this I can tell almost all I need to know about a person by how they respond to R. and Austin. This past week has been a lesson on quite a few people. As usual some of my thoughts may or may not prick a few nerves, and I may or may not be referring to you, but as I've often said, if something I say bothers you, weather I'm talking about you or not, you are the one that should ask yourself why it bothered you in the first place and what you've done to make you feel guilty.  But I digress...

Most of the family wanted to know where "the baby" was while it seemed a few took an accusatory tone that Austin wasn't with us like maybe R. isn't blind enough. R. has so far held his tongue but good grief, he did manage for a year and a half without even the use the white cane and nearly 2 years without Austin. I understand that maybe some just don't know, but I'm a firm believer in the concept of 'if you don't know then politely ask' and believe me we will be glad to educate. But there is no need to be rude. Austin is an asset to both R. and me, but blind people have been successful and independent for years before dogs were used as guides. The dogs that become guides/leaders are a blessing and an asset to any family who uses them, however they are not a requirement. There will always be places that a person who is blind or low visioned prefers to go without using their guide. There will always be things they do where they'd prefer to leave their partner home, either for their partner's benefit or their own. There are even places that, even though guide dogs are allowed, many will not bring them out of respect (i.e. a tour of a food factory or something of the sort). But for Pete's sake don't take an accusatory tone about my husband and Austin just because you're ignorant and/or uneducated. Lord knows we've seen plenty of that this week....but I'll get to that soon enough.

Wednesday R. took Austin out to the tennis courts behind our apartments for a romp and park as usual and the two were on their way back home when R. had another of his knee dropping headaches.  As R. dropped to the ground Austin stepped behind R. leaning on his back to help support and prop him up so he wouldn't be laying on the ground.  R. said he sat there for about 10 minutes on the grass behind the apartment, propped up on, or with, Austin before he was able to get to his feet again.  When I got home from work Austin was as usual excited to see me but was more persistent to rub up against me and play to a point that I eventually just sat in the floor.  Instead of jumping up on me, as he typically would, he rubbed up against me and laid between my legs just wanting to be rubbed on for a few minutes.  He got back up to grab a toy to play for a minute but before long he was back sitting in my lap, something he's never done before.  I mentioned to R. that it was unusual and that's when he told me what happened. Austin was looking for a bit of comfort.  He was worried about R and this time instead of biting his nails he was seeking solace and I was only too happy to give him all the attention he needed at that point.  Not that he doesn't get it anyway. 

It always seems however, that all the really crazy things happen when I'm not around.  Although admittedly it's probably for the best.  Yesterday, R decided he wanted Subway for dinner so he and Austin walked over to buy a sandwich.  Once he arrived there was a line to the door so he and Austin found their place in line to wait.  The very large woman in front of him, who managed to have somehow acquired Joseph's amazing techno colored dream coat paired with gold lipstick and hoops the size of 20"s, apparently didn't approve of having a dog of any sort in such a fine dining establishment.  After R. and Austin had stalked her through the line has it moved forward she finally had enough and turned to face the offenders and proceeded to tell R. that he needed to take that mutt out of there because animals weren't allowed in food related businesses.  Robby pointed out that the mutt she was referring to was a service animal and allowed into any establishment that he was allowed into.  If you know R. you know it takes a lot to get a rile out of him but she continued to verbally bash R. and Austin until finally he retorted with a few slurs of his own.  At that point, she called the attention of the police officer who just happened to be in line, "Hey, Mr. Popo!  You need to come get this man and his damn mutt and get them out of this restaurant."

The officer apparently gave her a look that implied she was obviously an idiot that even R. could make it out on his face, and from his place in line simply stated, "Ma'am, I obviously can't do that.  This dog is obviously a service animal and by law is allowed into this and any other establishment that he wishes."

"Well if you aren't going to do anything about it, then I'll just remove the mutt myself!"  At this point this Amazonian throwback proceeded to grab the lower part of Austin's leash where it attaches at the slip collar and attempt to drag him to the door, essentially choking him. 

R. popped her hand which she quickly removed stepping back and before he could get a word out the officer had stepped over and said, "Ma'am you just assaulted the dog, which is an assault against this man. Sir, would you like to press charges?"

The woman gaped in disbelief as R. responded, "No Sir, but I will ask that she be removed from the premises," at which point the officer did just that, informing the woman that she wasn't allowed back at any point in the foreseeable future.  Afterward the officer apologized to R. for the "interruption of your day," and went back to his place in line.  Needless to say I'd have pressed charges and then some.  Like I said, maybe it's a good thing I wasn't there after all. 

On a positive family note though, LG is coming around. It's nice to know I don't have to categorize him with the "Savior of Subway."  He still doesn't' have a full understanding of it all but he's asking questions and gaining a better understanding of just what Austin does for us. We obviously still find those who are condescending and just can't fathom. I'd pray they eventually gain understanding but the last few people I've prayed that for ended up having to experience something similar in order to understand and I wouldn't wish anyone the struggle and burdens it would take for them to understand what it's like to need a dog in your life so I'll just pray, "Lord, help'em 'cause you know what they need more than I do. But until they can be more considerate Lord, please help to limit my required socialization time with such ignorance. AMEN!

Note: For all those keeping tabs, we will be going to Mayo Clinic in a few weeks for tests in an attempt to figure out what's causing the headaches.  Keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we travel and that the doctors will find answers.  It will be another adventure for Austin I am sure as he is very aware of what a hospital/doctors office is and is in no way a fan.  Thanks in advance! _\m/