Abandoning The Search And The Pandemonium That Ensues

Well it's been a while once again. But I have finally returned. I haven't been able to get online for any period of time at school so it's hard to post. But I FINALLY have net at home.....sorta. I got a new phone last weekend, a trio 650. It is a phone, a PDA, and it works as a modem as well. So I now have internet on my computer at home through my cell phone. My the things that we can do w/ cell phones these days. It's GREAT! Connection is a bit slow but, not really any worse than the dial up in which I am accustomed.

So things have obviously been busy at work lately. It's been the usual pain in the butt at times but what job isn't. I've made a few new friends along the way I suppose. Or at least I think I have. I was invited out for drinks by one of the teachers at school tomorrow night. Should prove to be interesting.

Let's see...I'm still single but, have basically given up on looking really. Not really worried about it anymore. However, everyone else seems to be. One of the teachers at school has apparently been plottin' against me. She gave me this number for a guy and told me to give him a call. I told her I don't call guys, tell him to call me. So she did....it took him a week but he finally called. I have talked to him twice. His name is S. and he's 34 (my oldest brother's age) which means he graduated in 1991. I, on the other hand, was only in the 4th grade at that point and didn't graduate until 1999. Which was when he got married and conceived his daughter. HUM.....He's a nice guy...just don't know if he's what I'm looking for.

So next weekend one of my fellow interpreters and I are going out for drinks. We have done this before and have been trying to plan to do it again but, haven't had the opportunity. However, this time she wants me to meet this really nice guy that used to date her daughter and after they broke up he still hung around. No biggie, all my X's still come and visit on occasion so that's not bad. He's around my age, also a good thing. And apparently he likes his women a little thick, ok so I can apply. And as she put it, if nothing else, he doesn't really know anyone in the area, and I don't know many ppl in the area so, if all else fails we can just be buddies. So far all sounds pretty well. We shall see how it goes after next weekend I suppose.

This past weekend was definitely one of interest to say the least. R. came up for a visit for 5 days. It was really nice having him around. It made me realize that I am ready to have that someone to come home to. It was nice knowing that when I came home from work that there was going to be someone there for me to talk to and at night knowing that there was going to be someone there to snuggle with. For those of you perverts out there who are sitting there going, "yea...we know what happened" I can assure you that you don't. I am still way to paranoid to be having sex, so don't even go there. However, I will say that I didn't sleep alone and that too was a nice change. I have found myself looking for the warmth of him at night and finding only the coolness of the other side of the bed. I don't know what that means or where it will go and only time will tell. Do I still care for R. and have feelings for him?.....yes. Do I think that we will get back together?....I honestly don't know. Do I trust him enough yet to start another full relationship w/ him?.....That would be the big question wouldn't it. I don't think that I can....not yet. I trust him more than I do many people. He is still one of the people that I talk about everything with and I consider him one of my best friends. But I don't know if I trust him enough to get into a relationship with again......not just yet. He may be moving to Augusta soon, which is only about 1 hour away. He is wanting to get out of South Ga. and closer to NC. He wants to live some place colder. It's something that he has always wanted to do. He has never liked the warmer climates. He has assured me that he's not moving up b/c of me, I'm just an added bonus. I think I am more of a part of the reason he's moving than he wants to admit to himself. I know that he wants to get out of South Ga. and he doesn't want to go back to Valdosta. I can understand that. There are several things in South Ga. that I think he is running away from in ways b/c he wants to get as far away from the memories of his 2 most recent devastating life altering mistakes. I can understand that too. He wants to get out from under the thumb and constant watch of his parent. Who doesn't understand that? He wants to live in a cooler climate. Well at least he's headed in the right direction. And he wants to be closer to me in hopes of being able to work things out in the future. I know that is one of the reasons for moving. He just doesn't want everyone else knowing that.....including me. oops. Even as we speak, he says I'm only a small part of the reason for his moving. At least he still understands that I still want him to date other ppl before we even consider getting back together and that and education is still also an important part of that equation.

So needless to say it's been interesting since I haven't been lookin' for a man anymore. Isn't that always how it goes? I am curious and ready to see how it all works out. It's just one of those parts of life that I wish I could fast-forward through and see how it all turns out. GRRRR. I hate waiting in suspense. Nothing I can do about it I guess. Nothing but wait. So until the next exciting adventure boys and girls, live well, stay safe, and always admire the flowers on the side of the road.