The Words Within The Confusion

I post this here b/c not many people read this blog. There are still those that still do not know how the passing and I didn't want them to find out by reading it on the internet, so names are left out while those closest to them notify others.

Written in response to the death of a person I greatly respected. I didn’t always agree w/ them and we weren’t close but they were there to offer a hand and support when a person needed it. I had more respect for this person than they will ever know. The Community has lost a friend, advocate, and a mentor.

Suicide:

No one knows what goes through a person’s mind just before they kill themselves. Did they feel pain? Were they lonely? Did they feel by doing it they were paying reparations for something? Were they at peace w/ the decision? Did they know just how much they really were loved and what an impact they had made? We can never know. It only leaves those around them who cared asking – Is there something I could have done? If I’d have told them what an impact they had in my life would it have made a difference for them to know that? WHY!? Leaving the message:

[“I” did everything “I” came here to do and feels good about that”]

explains nothing. You obviously know you’ve done a lot for many – just think of what you can do now – what you could have done. It’s baffling. Words don’t describe. We can never understand. You could have helped us understand.

Speechless
Baffled
Sad
Mournful
Anger
Curiosity
Disbelief
Confusion
All this and then some rolled into one. One last selfish act from an otherwise selfless person. You had given of yourself so much; there would have been many who would have given back. You had so much ahead of you only to snuff the candle out. Your life may be gone – but it was not wasted.