Actively trying - a polite way of saying a couple is frequently participating in the act of coitus in an attempt to procreate. Or in layman's terms, having sex for the purpose of becoming pregnant. For most it's a natural and all too simple process, but for some it's frustratingly difficult. Like most things in our world of complexities, nothing is quite as simple for us as it seems for the majority. It instead becomes a test of patience, strength, and faith.
Now Lord knows, Papa told me years ago to never pray for patience, but apparently God feels I need a little more. I have faith enough to know that I will eventually have children, but I also have sense enough to realize it will be in God's time and method and no my own. Although, I will admit that just because I realize I can't control it, doesn't mean I like it.
There are so many factors for us to consider now. Granted, I think we will be just fine, but that doesn't mean I think it will be easy. I figure, like everything else, it will be steeped in trials and frustrations beyond that of typical parents, but such is our life. We're ready for those challenges - or at least as ready as we'll ever be.
Between work, all that it entails, in addition to the challenges and acclimation that will inevitably take place, we'd like to have it towards the end of the school year. That way my maternity leave will run into the summer and I can slowly work back up to my usual 12 hour work days by picking up summer work. This would also allow R. to gradually become accustom to the challenges of dealing with a child when you have limited vision and head splitting migraines. In order to achieve this however, we'd have to successfully fertilize this month. Am I hopeful? Yes. Do I expect it? No. I'm optimistically pessimistic. I'll be elated if it happens but since God rarely ever keeps the same time clock as I do, I'm not holding my breath for it. I know His time is perfect and purposeful; so I wait as patiently as I know how - which is why I write.
Writing has always been my way of coping and dealing with life's idiosyncrasies. When life is good - I enjoy. When I face another of life's hiccups - I write. Writing allows me to get it out and move on. It's my way of venting, letting go of it, and giving it to God. Which is why my posts aren't necessarily inspirational and moving. Don't think I don't give thanks for the good times. I realize how blessed we truly are and share that testimony often. I just don't always take the time to write it down. I should, but it just doesn't always happen. I'm typically using the time to spend with R. or simply enjoying the rare moments of peace. So until the next hiccup - be well, be blessed, and be in prayer with/for us. _\m/
