Lest I forget...

I wrote this one day while sitting in a class a while back and was reminded of it today.  I shared it with a teacher who told me I should send it to the paper.  I chuckled and figure they wouldn't be interested in it but thought if nothing else I would at least blog it. 

It should be understood that I have a rare perspective of education that not many people are privy to.  I go into teacher's classrooms and interpret and I see the interactions between teachers and students, the discipline/lack of discipline, the interesting/boring, the genius/idiocracy within a classroom from students/teachers.  I have also seen that since No Child Left Behind (NCLB) has been put into action not only have our educational expectations dropped to a staggering gut-wrenching low, but so have our disciplinary expectations, not just in school but across the board. 

So I am likewise reminded of a poem that an old friend, Doris Metts, shared with me many years ago that I printed and gave to my mama.  I am proud to say that I was blessed with one of "The Meanest Mothers In The World" and I can only hope that I am just as mean.  But with times changing there are things that I will add to the list of things to do for mean mothers.  I wrote a similar blog a while back titled: Rules of Engagment. But I figured it was time to add a few more things to the list lest I forget.  That way if you see me doing these things with my children later, I beg you to throw my own words in my face and remind me. 

Lest I forget....

• I will not assume my child is an angel.
• I will not allow my child to dress like a small prostitute. (linked is a MUST READ article!!!)
• I will teach my child that if you intend the keep your teeth you will not smack them at me.
• I will drop into my child's school to observe my child and the teachers. 
• I would prefer to send my child to a private school since I feel that NCLB has lowered standards within the public forum to a ridiculous point that I feel to be insufficient for my child (donations to assist in this endeavor are accepted).
• I will teach my child manners - that they had better use.
• My child will understand that a phone call home from school for a negative reason will result in a whipping when they get home.
• I will teach my child the difference between racism and honesty.
• I will teach my child what sarcasm is, how to understand it, and how to use it - even when it goes right over everyone else head. 
• I will teach my child that becoming pregnant before you are married isn't cool but is a disgrace and embarrassment to the family.  It doesn't mean we don't love you but you should be prepared for the consequences, ridicule, and backlash that will ensue from those who you have disappointed.
• I will teach my child that my house = my rules.  You are otherwise welcome to show yourself to the door or I will happily find you an alternative boarding school (i.e. boot camp or military school).
• I will teach my child that just because your friends have a cell phone doesn't mean that you should.  You can have a cellphone that will dial someone other than your parents when you are able to pay the bill yourself.  (God Bless the person that invented the Firefly).

I am sure that the list will continue to grow and as always I encourage everyone to add their own do's/don'ts to the list or to tell me how I'm lying to myself.  Either way it will make for good reading and/or an interesting debate.

Training A Man And Getting Things Done

We were hoping to be able to hit Tifton this weekend but it just didn't come to fruition.  I hate that we couldn't make it but at the same time I am glad that we don't have to weather the storm.  The weather promises to be a mess and I'm glad not to have to drive in it. 

We also have to find some time this weekend to make R.'s new Leader Dog video.  They called Thursday and let him know that they were ready for his video for them to observe him for the purpose of accepting him into the dog program.  They have apparently had a influx of applicants so the soonest they will probably get him in would be August or September.  Not as soon as we had hoped but we really can't complain with that.  We had just hoped that he would be able to go during the summer so that I could get up there to see him while he's there for a month.  *Sigh*  The joy of sending a man off to be trained I guess.  lol.  It's going to be a long month whenever he does go and I'm so not looking forward to it but we will make it through.  However, I will apologize in advance to those that have to deal w/ me on a daily basis for the duration of his absence. 

I'm also hoping to catch up on some sleep that was lost during my trip to DC with BHL/CM Orchestras last weekend, begrudgingly get some shopping done, and maybe even go check into a bridesmaids dress to get that ball rolling.  I'm sure there's some things I'm missing but we'll see how much of it I get done.  I think we can all see which came first on the list.  lol. 

So anyone who happens to be around....feel free to call after 12pm or come visit.  I can't promise to be out of my pj's but you're more than welcome to chill.  As is our custom, you're more than welcome.

If I Can't Laugh About It - Who Can?

It's no secret that I laugh and joke about the fact that my husband is legally blind.  He and I both do really.  We've come to the conclusion that we can either laugh about it and move on, or we can be the sad saps that everyone expects us to be.  So we move on.  But it intrigues me how people chastise me for making a joke of it, or making light of the situation, when they ask me about it.  I'm not really sure what they expect.  Some say that it's incredibly inconsiderate and un-PC, which just shows how little they really know me.  Others just pat me on the shoulder and tell me how very sorry they are and how strong or mature I am, as most couples wouldn't survive such a tragedy; which is a double insult since 1.) you apparently thought so little of me and the relationship I have with my husband, and 2.) I don't need your pity. 

So let's cover the facts: 

• My husband is, and has been, legally blind since Oct. 22, 2009.
• My father still tries to hand him the keys to drive and still asks him what's coming when he's the passenger.
• We all still have to remember that he can't see it when we give non-verbal responses - You can imagine how many times I screw this up.  lol. 
• We find it funny when people get antsy and ask "What are you, blind?" and R. always responds, "well, yea...actually."  The look on their faces hasn't gotten old yet and the hesitation in their voice is just as amusing to R. 
• We would like to think that the warning signs for "Blind Drive" means that it just might be possible for him to give it a try or at least an option for the opportunity. 
• "OMG - did you see that?....oh wait no...I guess you didn't." still happens often with us and we still laugh and move on. 
• He threatens, pokes, whacks, and aggravates me w/ that white cane and I always threaten back saying, "I'm not like the people who apologize when you accidentally hit them, I will snatch it away and whack you back," to which he still chuckles about.
• The only people that think that R. is disabled is probably you and, as soon as the paperwork is through, the government. We prefer to say differently-abled.  He still does pretty much everything he's always done.....just a little differently and with more time now than he used to. 
• We are still a normal couple that likes to pick and aggravate each other, we just get to tease each other in ways that other couples can't.  We don't do it in a mean spirited way and we always laugh about it. 
• It's ok to use the word "see" when you're around.  We don't get offended by it and people usually look silly trying to avoid it. 
• We laugh a lot about various things, we make fun and laugh a lot about every day situations that we encounter that are more difficult due to his low-vision. 
• We laugh and find joy in our everyday life.
• We choose to see past the hard times, the pain, and the uncomfortable situations with a smile and/or a laugh.
• I promise you that you won't hear me say anything about it that I haven't already said to him and I can pretty much guarantee you that the jokes we make together are way worse.
• We laugh - we don't expect your pity, your sympathy, or your issues with how we choose to deal. 
• We laugh - and those who are close enough friends to be a part of our family join us in our laughter and toss in their own jokes and jabs in the process. 

I have one friend that told R. that she was upset that he wouldn't be able to see her well enough on her wedding day to see just how beautiful she is so she was going to have to get a braille dress. We continue to laugh.

Laughter may not always be the best medicine, but it's definitely one that gets you through the hard times and lets you come out on the other with a better perspective.

So what would you do in our situation?  Would you choose to laugh, or let the world fall in around you?  Would you still be with your significant other or would you have ran for the door?  Would you move on with life or would you wear a chip on your shoulder for all the world to see?

What would you do?

Whips, Canes, & Hormones - Oh my!

Someone pointed out to me today that I really should start blogging again. It has been a while and much has changed since my last post. Those of you that don't know feel free to call and ask. Otherwise, it's apparent that you could care less. Your loss. A little blunt yes but I'm over the explanations at this point.

I convinced R. to start up another blog as well. He doesn't even remme how to get access to his old one and just decided to start another to blog about his cooking. He's calling it "Blind Chef." Seems fitting all things considered. However, what he hoped to be his first post didn't turn out the success we had both hoped for so he decided to wait on the first blog. So keep an eye out for it. I'm sure it will be interesting.

I think we can say R. and I both are glad to be back in Athens. It doesn't always go the way we had hoped but it always works out for the best. Prime example; we were really hoping to get a few more years out of the car....needless to say that didn't happen so we had to buy a new "whip" as the stars say. So we traded the Accord in for an Element which means we're now prepared for a kid and a dog when the time comes. Granted the dog will be sooner than the kid as Leader Dogs told him when he was up for training that they'd like to have him back up there sometime this summer for dog training. YAY! The kid we're still workin' on. Buying the car however, means that we aren't going to be able to pay things off and buy a house as soon as we were hoping but I am sure that it will all come in its time. Patience is a virtue I am still working on daily. I'm sure this is all part of it. After all, since when do things work out the way I plan them to? Guess it's God's way of telling me not to get ahead of Him. But for now we are content to live in our little apartment here in town. The location couldn't be more perfect for R., the commute is a simple one for me, and it has all the space we require with a bedroom to spare.

We had a late b-day party for R. and I on March 5 and actually had a house full of friends; some new, some old, and almost all of them signing. Those that didn't know any signs coming in the door walked out knowing at least a few, even if it was the dirty ones. lol.

Other than that - not much else is new. R. still beats me w/ his cane only now it's a white and red one. He's still working to finish up school and I'm still working in one. Although middle school really makes me question a desire for children. Keeping my fingers crossed that next year I will be back at the HS where all insanity is hormonal. By that time hopefully I'll be as pregnant as 1/2 the other teenage girls in the hall and just as hormonally attitudinal.

I feel like they’re wasting our time

People often get angry and don’t understand why I say things sometimes. What makes it frustrating is that they don’t bother to ask me why. So let me explain.

“I feel like they’re wasting our time.”

I made this statement in relation to the progress Tift Regional Medical Center was making on our case the past week. It angered one of the people that heard me say it. However, I don't know that the person really understood why I said it and I don't know that they will eveer ask. But for my own sanity I would like to note here my reasons. I doubt that the person it angered will ever read this. But to avoid building up my own frustration and in an attempt to avoid a confrontation later I explain:

We were admitted on Friday to the hospital. The ER doctor was great. However, the admitting doctor, Dr. Gowdy was worthless. He refused the number that would have gotten him in contact w/ Robby’s doctor within 24 hours. He didn’t want to give Robby his daily vitamins b/c he couldn’t see where that was a necessity. And he didn’t see the point in giving Robby the thiamine that had been started for him in the ER. When the day time hospitalist, Dr. Phillips, came in we had to arrange for Robby to have all of his daily supplements as well the thiamine (did I mention that the diagnosis was officially a vitamin deficiency particularly that of the thiamine). While we arranged for that with the day hospitalist I also asked if his vision would return to normal. I was informed that “as of yet we are not sure what is the cause of the vision issues and cannot yet give a definite yes or no to that question, but I admit that there is a possibility that it will not return to normal and the longer we wait the higher the risk that it will not return to normal or become irreversible.” This freaked me out. Particularly since it was Saturday and they let me know that the optometrist and the neurologist wouldn’t be there until Monday. The neurologist came late on Monday but they informed us that the optometrist wouldn’t be able to be there until Tuesday since he was out of town and no final diagnosis could be made until the optometrist had see him and checked his eyes. So in the back of my mind all I could think was that if we’d have just gone on to Augusta we would had a diagnosis by now b/c we’d have been able to have seen both an optometrist and a neurologist before Monday. I am sure you can all see why I was freaking out. I knew that should this be something that Robby would not be able to recover from that I would be left w/ a husband that was legally blind and I would have to help him start from scratch. He’d have to relearn several things and find a new job, he’d have to choose a new profession and start over with college b/c you can’t fix computers if you can’t see them. He would be back at square one almost in terms of a career. They didn’t let us know until Wednesday that his vision would return to almost or completely normal and that it was definitely a vitamin and thiamin deficiency. WEDNESDAY!!!! So from Saturday until Wednesday I didn’t know if Robby was going to be blind or not. From Saturday until Wednesday I was scared that we were going to have to learn how to help my husband as a blind man. From Saturday until Wednesday I was scared to death and freaking out yet there are still people who are angry b/c I said I felt like they were wasting my time.

Anyone else have questions as to why I feel like they were wasting our time? Feel free to let me know.

I know some of you will read this and totally understand my frustration and wonder why there was ever a need to explain in the first place. I try to explain in an attempt to understand myself better as well. I promised myself a long time ago that I would stop stuffing down emotions and frustrations b/c it all creates a buildup which leads to anger and potentially depression. I have been there and done that and don't care to do it again. I realize that it sometimes makes people angry or uncomfortable while others appreciate it. I am old enough to realize that I cannot make everyone happy even though sometimes I desperately try.

In this situation the person that I was most concerned about was my husband. I realize that not everyone had access to all of the information that I did and were not aware of the potential issues. But for anyone who professes to even begin to know me or understand me at all should know that if I felt like a facility was doing what was best for the love of my life I would not have made that comment in the first place and that I would and did give praise where it was earned. However, Laurel Thatcher Ulrich said it best - "Well-behaved women rarely make history." I have never professed to be what most would consider "well-behaved" lady, nor to I expect to make history. I just try to do what I can, where I can, and I don't mind being the one person in the room that will voice an opinion.

Rules of Engagement

When engaging our children there are certain rules to remember. Each of us has a different opinion of how to do things and go about them depending on how we are raised. There are things that happen throughout our lives that change this perspective. However, there are things that I want to remember should my perspective change. I was inspired after reading Tori Spelling's book Mommywood to write these down lest I forget. I will continue to add to this list through the years for that reason and to allow me to see exactly how my perspective changes. Only time will tell. Some of the things I will write will be based on how I was raised; while others will be written because of things I have seen others do that I don't agree with or want to fall prey to. Please feel free to express your opinion and thoughts on these and share your perspective. Who knows - you might changes someone else’s for the better in the process,

So my rules are as follows:

Appropriate dress:

- I will NOT dress my child like a miniature prostitute.

- Kids will be kids and cloths are washable. Kids will get dirty and that's okay. But if we're going to town, the doctor, church, or something of the sort I will at least try to make sure they're clean when we leave the house.

Internet safety:

- IF I feel my teenager can appropriately wear a a bikini and not fall out of it and be appropriately covered (none of those string things), I will not post a full body pictures of her in said bikini on a website. She can be just as cute while dressed. You never know who is looking at your pictures or who might somehow gain access to them.

- I will not post pictures of my child naked on the internet no matter how cute it may be. My family can wait to see those pics when they come visit.

- The internet isn't a private space....your use of it isn't either. No I don't want to be in my kids business but at the same time I know the dangers of the internet. My children's use of it will be monitored.

Socialization:

- I will know my childrens friends, their home phone number, their cell phone number, and their parents. There are OH SO MANY reasons for this. Besides, it's so easy to keep this information accessible - just keep the phone synced to your computer.

The Words Within The Confusion

I post this here b/c not many people read this blog. There are still those that still do not know how the passing and I didn't want them to find out by reading it on the internet, so names are left out while those closest to them notify others.

Written in response to the death of a person I greatly respected. I didn’t always agree w/ them and we weren’t close but they were there to offer a hand and support when a person needed it. I had more respect for this person than they will ever know. The Community has lost a friend, advocate, and a mentor.

Suicide:

No one knows what goes through a person’s mind just before they kill themselves. Did they feel pain? Were they lonely? Did they feel by doing it they were paying reparations for something? Were they at peace w/ the decision? Did they know just how much they really were loved and what an impact they had made? We can never know. It only leaves those around them who cared asking – Is there something I could have done? If I’d have told them what an impact they had in my life would it have made a difference for them to know that? WHY!? Leaving the message:

[“I” did everything “I” came here to do and feels good about that”]

explains nothing. You obviously know you’ve done a lot for many – just think of what you can do now – what you could have done. It’s baffling. Words don’t describe. We can never understand. You could have helped us understand.

Speechless
Baffled
Sad
Mournful
Anger
Curiosity
Disbelief
Confusion
All this and then some rolled into one. One last selfish act from an otherwise selfless person. You had given of yourself so much; there would have been many who would have given back. You had so much ahead of you only to snuff the candle out. Your life may be gone – but it was not wasted.