Fallacy Of Limited Perspectives

Few things make my skin crawl like hearing someone say to my husband or students how amazing it is that they can be "so involved/independent/intelligent even through their disability."  Or even worse giving me credit for it as if I did the work, because I'm apparently so "amazing and they surely couldn't do it without me."  The fact that people are so narrow minded is maddening.

First off let me make clear that the students I interpret for excel because they are driven individuals who set goals, reach for the stars, and blow off small minded people who have low expectations for their potential.  They work hard, don't give up, and follow through.  For my students, I make sure they have the necessary tools and skills to use them, and just as any other student, their teachers/coaches make sure they have the needed knowledge.  And, just like anyone else, the students I interpret for put in the work necessary to achieve their goals.  I do my job, I advocate, I teach them to advocate, I give them the reins, I make sure they know how to use interpreters appropriately, and I attempt to connect them with multiple forms of community support.  I do my job.  I love my job, but know that if I wasn't there to do it someone else would be.

Secondly, how is it so hard to believe that someone can adapt to their surroundings.  Species have have been doing it since the dawn of time.  So they are deaf or visually impaired - why should that diminish their ability to learn to adapt?  As far as R. is concerned I helped him find needed resources, made sure he is well aware of his rights, and do my share of advocacy.  But again, his ability to achieve is all on him.  He is the one who will complete his degree in Computer Networking in a few months from Western Governors University. He's the one that has passed the multiple computer certification tests.  He's the one that has taken over the kitchen and adapted it to his unique preferences. The fact that you think these things an impossibility for someone with a significant visual impairment shows only your ignorance.  However, ignorance we're willing to work with, it's when ignorant people refuse to come out of their box and be educated, or when the educated continue to create perceived limitations that we have problems.  At that point you are the limited, as well as limiting, one - not others. 

I guess the point I'm getting to is this:

Encouragement and praise as you would offer any "normal" person is always welcome.  Your amusement caused by your inability to see outside your box is information you're welcome to keep to yourself.  I also don't need to hear your insistence that they couldn't have done it without me.  That is a fallacy that not only shows your limited perspective but also tells me much of your views of the human spirit.  Frankly, I have enough of my own issues to work through without adding your jaded humanitarian expectations to the pile. 

The Cruelty Of Others

The cruelty of others never ceases to amaze me.  But I'd be a liar if I said that the audacity of the informed doesn't appall me.  There is a reason I keep certain people abreast of happenings in our lives - mainly so they can't unknowingly be a putz.  However, seeing as they are informed if/when they are a putz I can rightfully call them an ass.  It doesn't mean I do or will, but the option is there.

People don't realize how often I really do hold my tongue and just let things go.  But there are times that either I get pushed too far or the more I think about it the more the situation will bother me to a point I can't just let it slide.  Yet, even those who claim to know me so well are often the ones most stunned when I call them out.

A while back I had a person allude to the possible reason we haven't had children yet:

I posted - 

"Why are the women who make the worst mothers always the ones that are the most fertile"

To receive a response that basically said, "They're also usually the ones staying home and not working."

So apparently we haven't had children yet b/c I work too much. I guess I'm not home enough to take care of my husband so God wouldn't dare give me a child on top of it.  Yet this same person ridicules another for accepting government assistance so she can stay home with their child.  Psh.

[Obviously we are still trying.  We figure we'll give it a few more months and see how it goes.  If there's no success by the end of wrestling season then we'll make time to go to the doctor.  There are a few things we want to take care of first anyway.  If at that point we're still not pregnant we'll start testing me I guess.]

I realize that the last 4 years I have changed a great deal.  I have gained an abundance of patience, comparatively, and tend to handle things pretty well.  There are other things however that I realize I have lost sympathy and patience for.  I have little patience for true stupidity, even less for ignorance, and absolutely none for people who are inconsiderate and asinine   Add injury to insult when those people are actually family.

However the asshattery is not limited to family.  There are those at work and in the community that I have called out of late for referring to or talking to people as if they are lesser just because they happen to have what one would consider an impairment.  Just because someone is blind or deaf doesn't mean they are an idiot.  Likewise, just because I'm their guide or interpreter doesn't mean I'm their messenger.  You did something you want to apologize for - YOU go tell them you're sorry.  I'll be happy to guide you to them or interpret the conversation.  But I am not a relay service.

The problem is that these idiots, bullies, and ignorant people are not children as one would suspect - but generally educated adults that should know better.  I've often found myself in the role of advocate growing up.  Little did I know that it would become such a huge part of my life.  Now it seems I am constantly advocating for my students, my husband, my friends, and myself.  I'm fortunate enough to know I'm not fighting alone and I have a great support system within both friends and family.  I think the hardest part, for both R. and me, has been the weeding out process and realizing that we do have family that we've learned not to trust, rely, or invest in.

Now there are those who will read this and understand exactly what I mean, those who will sympathize and support, those who fail to see it for what it really is, those who will wonder who I'm talking about, those who will think its them, and those who know its them. But, no matter which of these you are, know that there is a reason I keep things vague and I don't use names.  If for some reason my post strikes a cord with you - check yourself because I'm sure there's a reason for it.  I write about the things that bother me so I can begin to let them go and forgive.  But don't be fool enough to mistake my forgiveness for gained trust and weakness.  Trust is something that when lost is harder than riches to attain.

Quick Vent

Written a while back and never published - I figure it's been waiting long enough:


OK CLASS - LET's REVIEW

Know the difference in stalking and being a public idiot
FB Drama

Don't bring your drama to my world unless you're willing to take my response w/o getting uppity

Common sense is not so common

Great year with exception but such is life. 

Work - loving it!  my constant.

Home is chaos but managable but family brings drama.....save your drama for your llama. 

Complaints about blessings.  Don't bitch to me about being preggo - sympathy is in the dictionary on that one.

Be thankful people - DANG! 

Crazy stalker eXs - I get...but at least I had a little common sense about it.  MAKE YOUR SHHHTUFF PRIVATE AND BLOCK THEM PEOPLE! IT'S NOT THAT HARD.  HANDLE YOUR BUSINESS AND DON'T GET ANGRY WHEN FOLKS THINK YOUR CRAZY!!!