OK, so my parents are coming to visit me this weekend. They are leaving early this afternoon so that they can get here in time we can go out to dinner. Dad owes me $5 now b/c he bet me that I couldn't talk mom into leaving early and HA HA I did. Like I have said before, I'm the baby and the only girl.....I tend to get what I want. One way or another.
Next weekend should be interesting. B. will be here and hopefully W. will too. But I have this gut feeling that he won't be. This weekend he has some visitors coming down to see him from the Tifton area. One of them is a girl that he's went out on a date w/ a few times. Nothing serious, just dates, she's still got the V. Card. W.'s theory on that is NEVER take a V. Card b/c those b*tches just go crazy afterwards and don't wanna leave you alone. So I don't think that he's going to do anything but it'll be another body to wake up to and I know he'll at least be throwing on the "CB Charm." I'm ok w/ him doing all this...np...but I will have to say that I am a little jealous. Who wouldn't be though. *sigh* oh well. We did agree that there were no strings attached and that we were just going to stay friends at this point. Not much else I can do. I'm just hoping that he'll come up for my B-day and throw a little of that charm my way.
Who knows. I'm ok w/ staying friends w/ possibilities and maybe a few benefits. I just gotta be careful not to get all attached and stuff. I hate it when my head goes into girl mode. That has never really happened before. Must be something that he does to me I guess......that or L. has just had WAY too much of an influence on me lately. Either way it ain't good. I'm not supposed to have a girl mode. That's like finding out there isn't an Easter Bunny or Santa Clause. It's a mythical thing, my girl mode. Even I didn't know that it existed. It's the thing of nightmares....beware, it could happen to you too. Just don't tell anyone it happened to me....it'll ruin my reputation of being the all knowing testosterone bitch. Wouldn't want to ruin that one now would we? SHHH...don't tell anyone....but I sometimes also dress like a girl too. I told you it was a thing of nightmares. I will be doing this when we go out for my birthday if for no other reason than as a form of disguise so that ppl will not realize it is I who is out having a good time and getting hammered. Wouldn't want to ruin it for those who still see me as the goodie goodie either now would we. Too bad one of those ppl will be w/ me....isn't that right B.?
Anyway, so the count down is down to 7 more days........7 MORE DAYS!!!!! Fun shall be had by all. Come and join us if you dare. Until then, try not to have too many nightmares about me actually being a girl, giving a shit about how I look actually behaving like a girl b/c I'm interested in a guy. Just pinch yourself and you'll realize it's all fake. Don't believe any of it. See you all on Monday.....if I get the time.
7 MORE DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, February 10, 2006
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
It's Back On BE-OCH!!!!!!!!!
9 more days!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good news. As far as I know everything may work out for my B-day. B. says she'll be coming after all. At this point in time I don't know how she is going to be able to swing it but she's found a way. Hopefully W. will be able to come up as well. At this point he said that he was going to try. I yet again find myself hopeful when he is concern. I am hoping that he will be able to come. That way I would be able to celebrate my B-day w/ 3 of my best friends. What more could a person want...well, maybe all my other friends to come and join us but I know it's a long drive.....and could name a few other things....but I will be nice.
Even better news is that since B. is coming for my B-day that I will be able to get my piercings!!!! OK, well, I say I'm excited. I will have to say that I was disappointed that I wasn't going to be able to get it done. I was looking at my jewelry that I had already bought and was hating that I was going to be able to use it for a while. Now I will be able to use it soon. YEA!!!! However, I will have to say that I am nervous about getting it done. I told B. that I had to get it done first so that I would actually go through w/ it. B/c if I watch her get it done and she screams I will probably be tempted to back out. However, if I get it done first I will not be able to back out. Plus, I like pain more than B. does..lol.
Anyway, so plans are back to normal and lots of fun w/ friends will be had.
9 more days!!!!
Good news. As far as I know everything may work out for my B-day. B. says she'll be coming after all. At this point in time I don't know how she is going to be able to swing it but she's found a way. Hopefully W. will be able to come up as well. At this point he said that he was going to try. I yet again find myself hopeful when he is concern. I am hoping that he will be able to come. That way I would be able to celebrate my B-day w/ 3 of my best friends. What more could a person want...well, maybe all my other friends to come and join us but I know it's a long drive.....and could name a few other things....but I will be nice.
Even better news is that since B. is coming for my B-day that I will be able to get my piercings!!!! OK, well, I say I'm excited. I will have to say that I was disappointed that I wasn't going to be able to get it done. I was looking at my jewelry that I had already bought and was hating that I was going to be able to use it for a while. Now I will be able to use it soon. YEA!!!! However, I will have to say that I am nervous about getting it done. I told B. that I had to get it done first so that I would actually go through w/ it. B/c if I watch her get it done and she screams I will probably be tempted to back out. However, if I get it done first I will not be able to back out. Plus, I like pain more than B. does..lol.
Anyway, so plans are back to normal and lots of fun w/ friends will be had.
9 more days!!!!
Monday, February 06, 2006
He said She said Drama
Anyone who knows me knows I HATE drama. Unfortunately that is about all I had this weekend. IT SUCKS! But I think you all know how I handle this kind of thing. I will generally take it to that person and say....what the heck. So I did this with S.
Needless to say, S. says that it's totally not true. She doesn't know how that was misconstrued in such a way but she definitely didn't say that about B. and me. We talked about it and her comment was, "I don't even know B., I met her for the 1st time Friday night. I have nothing to base a judgment on and I thought that she was really neat. In fact I hope that next time you are down we could all get together and have lunch sometime or something b/c I would really like to get to know her better." S. says that R. was wrong in what he posted and we discussed it and I honestly think that what was posted was probably not exactly what she said. J. told me that he was there for the entire conversation and that S. didn't do that, S. was actually trying to avoid the conversation that had anything to do w/ he and I b/c she didn't want to get stuck in the middle. Unfortunately, I think that she and J. have gotten put into that position b/c J. works w/ R. and S. has been my friend since elementary school. I talked to them last night and told them that I wouldn't discuss the situation w/ them unless they brought it up. I don't foresee that happening, which is fine w/ me. So B., don't take anything to heart that was said. Talk to S. before you get upset or just whatever, at this point I don't care. *sigh* DRAMA! Ya gotta hate it.
So....I finally talked to W. last night. Whoever said that men aren't complicated obviously has never dated one. We have basically decided that b/c he's never home and we'd never get to see each other much that at this point until he is able to settle down we will just basically stay friends with possibilities. So who knows. Doesn't matter to me at this point. Que cera cera. I am still trying to get him to come up for my B-day though. Maybe he will be able to. If not I'll be all lone b/c B. has already told me that she probably will not be able to come. L. and I may still get together and go out but I don't know, we're talking about celebrating later when B. can come so I don't know. Who knows what I will be doing for my B-day. Hopefully I'll at least be able to get a date or something.
This coming weekend my parents are coming up for a visit. Dad wants to take me out to dinner to celebrate my B-day. It's something that we've always done. He told me this past weekend that when mom goes to Washington DC this summer he's going to come and spend the week w/ me and we can go out on our traditional date and such then. We usually do this when mom goes for a weekend for Y-Club's CLC but I think they have already done that this year and he wasn't able to make it up so we are going to make up for it this summer. Ever since mom has been a Y-Club advisor Dad and I have had our Father-Daughter dates. It's a tradition that I have really enjoyed. It's not often that I have my dad's attention all to myself, and we all know that is something that every Daddy's Girl loves to have. I am no different. For those of you who don't know me I am the youngest child in my family, I have 2 brothers that are 9 & 7 years older than I am and I am the only girl.....I think it's safe to say I was spoiled as a child.
I have been looking for a few other things to do that will get me out of the house and meeting new ppl. I am looking at the Continuing Ed. classes to see what they are offering and am thinking about going to a soap making class tomorrow night. It's only $23 and seems like it may be fun so I will have to see if I can scratch up the money for that. I think that it would be interesting and if I learn how to do that I can make some for gifts and for personal use. That way I can make the smell of my preference. We shall see though. At least it would give me something to do. Anyone wanna come join me?
Anyway, so I guess I will jet out of here for the day. End the drama, end the insanity, end the madness, speak out against drugs and under age drinking, and all that. Be safe and always wear clean underwear, ya never know when you might have an accident.
Needless to say, S. says that it's totally not true. She doesn't know how that was misconstrued in such a way but she definitely didn't say that about B. and me. We talked about it and her comment was, "I don't even know B., I met her for the 1st time Friday night. I have nothing to base a judgment on and I thought that she was really neat. In fact I hope that next time you are down we could all get together and have lunch sometime or something b/c I would really like to get to know her better." S. says that R. was wrong in what he posted and we discussed it and I honestly think that what was posted was probably not exactly what she said. J. told me that he was there for the entire conversation and that S. didn't do that, S. was actually trying to avoid the conversation that had anything to do w/ he and I b/c she didn't want to get stuck in the middle. Unfortunately, I think that she and J. have gotten put into that position b/c J. works w/ R. and S. has been my friend since elementary school. I talked to them last night and told them that I wouldn't discuss the situation w/ them unless they brought it up. I don't foresee that happening, which is fine w/ me. So B., don't take anything to heart that was said. Talk to S. before you get upset or just whatever, at this point I don't care. *sigh* DRAMA! Ya gotta hate it.
So....I finally talked to W. last night. Whoever said that men aren't complicated obviously has never dated one. We have basically decided that b/c he's never home and we'd never get to see each other much that at this point until he is able to settle down we will just basically stay friends with possibilities. So who knows. Doesn't matter to me at this point. Que cera cera. I am still trying to get him to come up for my B-day though. Maybe he will be able to. If not I'll be all lone b/c B. has already told me that she probably will not be able to come. L. and I may still get together and go out but I don't know, we're talking about celebrating later when B. can come so I don't know. Who knows what I will be doing for my B-day. Hopefully I'll at least be able to get a date or something.
This coming weekend my parents are coming up for a visit. Dad wants to take me out to dinner to celebrate my B-day. It's something that we've always done. He told me this past weekend that when mom goes to Washington DC this summer he's going to come and spend the week w/ me and we can go out on our traditional date and such then. We usually do this when mom goes for a weekend for Y-Club's CLC but I think they have already done that this year and he wasn't able to make it up so we are going to make up for it this summer. Ever since mom has been a Y-Club advisor Dad and I have had our Father-Daughter dates. It's a tradition that I have really enjoyed. It's not often that I have my dad's attention all to myself, and we all know that is something that every Daddy's Girl loves to have. I am no different. For those of you who don't know me I am the youngest child in my family, I have 2 brothers that are 9 & 7 years older than I am and I am the only girl.....I think it's safe to say I was spoiled as a child.
I have been looking for a few other things to do that will get me out of the house and meeting new ppl. I am looking at the Continuing Ed. classes to see what they are offering and am thinking about going to a soap making class tomorrow night. It's only $23 and seems like it may be fun so I will have to see if I can scratch up the money for that. I think that it would be interesting and if I learn how to do that I can make some for gifts and for personal use. That way I can make the smell of my preference. We shall see though. At least it would give me something to do. Anyone wanna come join me?
Anyway, so I guess I will jet out of here for the day. End the drama, end the insanity, end the madness, speak out against drugs and under age drinking, and all that. Be safe and always wear clean underwear, ya never know when you might have an accident.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Today's events and prayer requests
Why is it that weekends home are never restful. Next time I come home I am going to do just that...STAY HOME at least a little more. (That is when I am home in South GA). When I come home it always seems I am so busy I am searching for time to hang w/ all the people that want time with me but never am able to get to everyone in a manner which will satisfy them all. However, every time I do come home I always make time for Papa and Granny. Granny hasn't been doing the best lately and sometimes it seems that Papa is content to follow suit. Mom keeps me posted on how they're both doing on a regular basis when I'm not home and from reports, G-ma has been sleeping so heavily lately that sometimes they can't wake her up. Her vital signs and everything will be ok but she becomes so exhausted that when they try to wake her they are unable to. This really worries me b/c she is usually such a light sleeper. She also hasn't been eating like she should either, sometimes only what would amount to 1 meal a day. I was also told by mom and several other ppl as well as some of the nurses that she hasn't been smiling much lately. Any of you who know my g-ma know that's not like her. So on my visit today I was determined to not only get a smile but a laugh as well. I am proud to report that w/ some pickin' and teasing and some help from some DQ soft serve I was not only able to get a smile and a laugh but she also ate something. What can I say, I'm the baby grandchild on that side, I have my charm.
As usual Papa and I had our regular conversations about different things that are going on and such. Today was a bit different though. The conversation went something like this:
Pa: So what happened to your computer repairman?
Me: Who?
Pa: You know, your computer repair man.
Me: Oh, you mean R.? (Papa always comes up w/ nicknames for everyone. I have about 7.)
Mom: They aren't dating anymore. They broke up when she moved to Athens back in Aug.
Pa: Oh ya did? hum....can't say as I blame him. It's hard to have a relationship so far away from each other.
Me: This is true (Papa doesn't know the real reason we broke up and I don't feel the need to tell them b/c they always liked R. and wouldn't have it any other way).
Pa: Well let me give you my advice about it. You need to un-break. If you don't he's liable to find some other girl and marry her.
Me: Well Pa, if he does I guess it just wasn't meant to be. I'll just have to be ok with it at that point.
OK, so my grandfather is worried. I get it. I know why. He and I have had this conversation many times. He doesn't want me to end up a spinster. He's already afraid that my brother will be a forever bachelor and he doesn't want me to end up living alone for the rest of my like and not having children and so forth. He also knows that I want him to be one of the officiants at my wedding and he knows that he's not going to be here forever and he wants to be there for that as much as I want him here for it. I get it and I could have told him why I wasn't dating R. anymore and I know he'd have understood and would have agreed w/ the decision I made to end it. I know this b/c I have heard him council others before in situations. He and I have even talked about it before w/ another guy that I have dated. But I couldn't tell him that R. had done that. It just didn't seem right. So R., when you read this, just know that my family still thinks of you.
When leaving my visit w/ Granny and Pa I often stop into several other ppl's rooms as well. Some of them I met in my many trips to the nursing home while others I have known all my life. I usually stop in to see W.'s g-ma b/c I have known her all my life but she also happens to be 2 rooms down from Papa and Granny and in a room w/ another woman that I have grown very fond of as well, Mrs. E. Mrs. E. always wants to know when my mom and I are going to come back and sing again. Mom and I try to go to the nursing home and sing when we can, and we generally have a relatively large audience. I told her I would try my best to set something up the week of my spring break while I was home. So guys, help me remme, the week of March 13th I have to sing at the nursing home (come join if you'd like) in addition to going and talking to my mom's school about deaf awareness and Deaf Culture. So this paragraph is just basically a reminder for me for later.
When I left the nursing home I went to my nephew's B-day party. As always children are always a joy to be around and help you forget the heavy burdens on your mind. And I swear that kid has almost every Thomas the Train thing they make. LOL. When I left there I went to B.'s house. While I was there we talked about a few things. I went to check and see if R. had posted on his blog and she said he hadn't b/c she had already checked it. I asked her if she had posted on her's and she shook her head 'no' so I didn't bother checking. When I got home I jumped online for a few minutes to check on a few things and possibly post before bed myself. While I was online I checked R.'s site for myself and found that he had posted but it had only been w/in the past few hours. No biggie right. The thing is that in reading his I found that my best friend from elementary school, S., had basically gone 2 faced on me and stabbed me in the back. How you ask....
Fri. night I went to a party at her house and brought B. w/ me. After the party we talked about some things and I asked J. (S.'s husband) how R. was doing (he works w/ R.). J. said R. was doing fine as far as he knew and we discussed the situation a little. J. told me that he thought that I was doing the right thing but it was going to obviously hurt R. for a while but he really was the right thing to do for the better of things in the long run. S. agreed w/ him. However, S. apparently went up to R's work today and told him that I was wrong and that she didn't agree w/ me and that she thought that I was going wild and it was all b/c of B. Good to know who your true friends are huh? That bridesmaid list just keeps getting smaller and smaller.
Shortly after read all this R. gets online and I shoot him a line explaining that I was indeed going to talk to him on the phone about everything but he read the blog before he called which was something I wasn't expecting him to do so the actual conversation was never had and that I was sorry about all that. We talked for a few mins and he said that the post from today was spawned off of the post that B. had made. *Ok...wait....now didn't B. tell me earlier w/ that shake of the head that she had not posted today* so I went and read B's blog. Apparently she was pissed at me as well. ARGH. So I went to comment on B's blog and it wouldn't allow me to post. So who knows. It's all drama. I guess I will talk to her about it at church tomorrow.
When it rains it storms.
I do think that the conversation w/ R. was a positive one. I think now he sees where I am coming from. I don't want to do him like my X, JR, did me. That wouldn't be fair. At least now I hope he has a better understanding. I know that things will be hard for him for a long time, they were for me when I went through it, but I think in the long run it will be for the better. And who knows, in a while after things have settled and he's been able to let go and get back into the groove of things we will be able to chat regularly again and it not be a problem. I look forward to that day b/c I miss talking to him as well but I know it has to be done. I just don't want to drag him through the mud like JR did me. But then again, I've said that already. I just hope that one day he'll understand.
So, I was supposed to talk to W. tonight but that still hasn't been able to happen. I did talk to him around 9:30ish and he said he was still at work. I know he was b/c you could hear it in the background. I told him to text me when he got off and I would call him back if I was at home. He texted me at 1:30 and said he was still at work that he would call me tomorrow or something. He knows now what is on my mind and what I want to know, so I will hopefully know what's up soon. His work hours are sometimes insane. He works as long as the shipments are coming into port. Just depends on when and if they harvest that day. Apparently they were busy at the fields today which makes them busy at the ports. Keeps them "balls to the wall" as he so poetically puts it. Oh well, I'll wait. Not like I have much else to do anyway. Besides, when he calls tomorrow I'll probably be driving home and I always welcome a call at that point. The road can be such a boring place at times.
Well I guess I should be off now. It's almost 2:30am and I have to get up for church tomorrow...or would that be today. Oh well, guess I'll just have to take a short nap tomorrow. Be well all and don't forget to say your prayers before bed. With the way things have been going lately, I think we all need them.
As usual Papa and I had our regular conversations about different things that are going on and such. Today was a bit different though. The conversation went something like this:
Pa: So what happened to your computer repairman?
Me: Who?
Pa: You know, your computer repair man.
Me: Oh, you mean R.? (Papa always comes up w/ nicknames for everyone. I have about 7.)
Mom: They aren't dating anymore. They broke up when she moved to Athens back in Aug.
Pa: Oh ya did? hum....can't say as I blame him. It's hard to have a relationship so far away from each other.
Me: This is true (Papa doesn't know the real reason we broke up and I don't feel the need to tell them b/c they always liked R. and wouldn't have it any other way).
Pa: Well let me give you my advice about it. You need to un-break. If you don't he's liable to find some other girl and marry her.
Me: Well Pa, if he does I guess it just wasn't meant to be. I'll just have to be ok with it at that point.
OK, so my grandfather is worried. I get it. I know why. He and I have had this conversation many times. He doesn't want me to end up a spinster. He's already afraid that my brother will be a forever bachelor and he doesn't want me to end up living alone for the rest of my like and not having children and so forth. He also knows that I want him to be one of the officiants at my wedding and he knows that he's not going to be here forever and he wants to be there for that as much as I want him here for it. I get it and I could have told him why I wasn't dating R. anymore and I know he'd have understood and would have agreed w/ the decision I made to end it. I know this b/c I have heard him council others before in situations. He and I have even talked about it before w/ another guy that I have dated. But I couldn't tell him that R. had done that. It just didn't seem right. So R., when you read this, just know that my family still thinks of you.
When leaving my visit w/ Granny and Pa I often stop into several other ppl's rooms as well. Some of them I met in my many trips to the nursing home while others I have known all my life. I usually stop in to see W.'s g-ma b/c I have known her all my life but she also happens to be 2 rooms down from Papa and Granny and in a room w/ another woman that I have grown very fond of as well, Mrs. E. Mrs. E. always wants to know when my mom and I are going to come back and sing again. Mom and I try to go to the nursing home and sing when we can, and we generally have a relatively large audience. I told her I would try my best to set something up the week of my spring break while I was home. So guys, help me remme, the week of March 13th I have to sing at the nursing home (come join if you'd like) in addition to going and talking to my mom's school about deaf awareness and Deaf Culture. So this paragraph is just basically a reminder for me for later.
When I left the nursing home I went to my nephew's B-day party. As always children are always a joy to be around and help you forget the heavy burdens on your mind. And I swear that kid has almost every Thomas the Train thing they make. LOL. When I left there I went to B.'s house. While I was there we talked about a few things. I went to check and see if R. had posted on his blog and she said he hadn't b/c she had already checked it. I asked her if she had posted on her's and she shook her head 'no' so I didn't bother checking. When I got home I jumped online for a few minutes to check on a few things and possibly post before bed myself. While I was online I checked R.'s site for myself and found that he had posted but it had only been w/in the past few hours. No biggie right. The thing is that in reading his I found that my best friend from elementary school, S., had basically gone 2 faced on me and stabbed me in the back. How you ask....
Fri. night I went to a party at her house and brought B. w/ me. After the party we talked about some things and I asked J. (S.'s husband) how R. was doing (he works w/ R.). J. said R. was doing fine as far as he knew and we discussed the situation a little. J. told me that he thought that I was doing the right thing but it was going to obviously hurt R. for a while but he really was the right thing to do for the better of things in the long run. S. agreed w/ him. However, S. apparently went up to R's work today and told him that I was wrong and that she didn't agree w/ me and that she thought that I was going wild and it was all b/c of B. Good to know who your true friends are huh? That bridesmaid list just keeps getting smaller and smaller.
Shortly after read all this R. gets online and I shoot him a line explaining that I was indeed going to talk to him on the phone about everything but he read the blog before he called which was something I wasn't expecting him to do so the actual conversation was never had and that I was sorry about all that. We talked for a few mins and he said that the post from today was spawned off of the post that B. had made. *Ok...wait....now didn't B. tell me earlier w/ that shake of the head that she had not posted today* so I went and read B's blog. Apparently she was pissed at me as well. ARGH. So I went to comment on B's blog and it wouldn't allow me to post. So who knows. It's all drama. I guess I will talk to her about it at church tomorrow.
When it rains it storms.
I do think that the conversation w/ R. was a positive one. I think now he sees where I am coming from. I don't want to do him like my X, JR, did me. That wouldn't be fair. At least now I hope he has a better understanding. I know that things will be hard for him for a long time, they were for me when I went through it, but I think in the long run it will be for the better. And who knows, in a while after things have settled and he's been able to let go and get back into the groove of things we will be able to chat regularly again and it not be a problem. I look forward to that day b/c I miss talking to him as well but I know it has to be done. I just don't want to drag him through the mud like JR did me. But then again, I've said that already. I just hope that one day he'll understand.
So, I was supposed to talk to W. tonight but that still hasn't been able to happen. I did talk to him around 9:30ish and he said he was still at work. I know he was b/c you could hear it in the background. I told him to text me when he got off and I would call him back if I was at home. He texted me at 1:30 and said he was still at work that he would call me tomorrow or something. He knows now what is on my mind and what I want to know, so I will hopefully know what's up soon. His work hours are sometimes insane. He works as long as the shipments are coming into port. Just depends on when and if they harvest that day. Apparently they were busy at the fields today which makes them busy at the ports. Keeps them "balls to the wall" as he so poetically puts it. Oh well, I'll wait. Not like I have much else to do anyway. Besides, when he calls tomorrow I'll probably be driving home and I always welcome a call at that point. The road can be such a boring place at times.
Well I guess I should be off now. It's almost 2:30am and I have to get up for church tomorrow...or would that be today. Oh well, guess I'll just have to take a short nap tomorrow. Be well all and don't forget to say your prayers before bed. With the way things have been going lately, I think we all need them.
Friday, February 03, 2006
Bridge in Progress
*SIGH* So, let's see....I basically went home feeling like shit yesterday b/c of the obvious harsh truths. It SUCKS to have to end it like that w/ R. I know it hurts him but I know it has to be done. He e-mailed me and said he wouldn't be writing, calling, or contacting me for a long time. I know he still loves me and wants things to work out but I don't know if that will happen. I don't want him to sit around waiting on me. W. suggested that I give him"one last ride" first but when I explained the implications of that he understood and agreed that would be a bad idea. Seems he'd had a similar situation w/ an X as well though and agreed that I probably was doing the right thing. *sigh* I just hate it when I have to hurt ppl on an emotional level. But otherwise it's almost like I am playing w/ R.'s emotions and that's even worse. I have been there and done that w/ J.R. and that REALLY sucked. Looking back it would have been SOOOOO much easier on me if he had made a clean break as well. He didn't though and I ended up having a mental breakdown b/c of it. NOT PRETTY! I don't want to do the same w/ R. He deserves better.
B. and I had a long talk about it all yesterday and she left me feeling like shit...then when I called her last night she didn't want to stay on the phone long b/c she was tired b/c we had been on the phone until 2:00 the night before. I get that...NP right? Yea...then I get waken up at 11:30 w/ a text from her saying that she had gotten freaky w/ Mr. V again. OK....wait....am I the only one that thinks this situation is TOTALLY F'd up? I get it though. I totally understand. I'm disappointed but I get it. Can't say that I haven't been there. I pretty much did the same thing w/ J.R. so I really do totally get it. However, W. and I have a bet that they'll get back together before V-day. Who knows if we're right - I don't. I'm just praying that things will work out for the best for her. Lord only knows what that is...I don't.
So from the above you have probably figure that I finally talked to W. this morning. We were texting b/c of everything that has been happening outside of the stuff w/ he and I and he told me to call him and I did. I'm glad I did. By the time that I got to school I was more at ease. I fell asleep last night (the first time I went to sleep) crying b/c I felt like things were going to hell in a hand basket. Basically for the first time in a really long time frustration caught up w/ me and overwhelmed me all at once. I hate it when that happens. W. helped me sort some things out and told me just not to expect so much. We talked about several things and before I got off the phone w/ him I told him to call me back when he got off work b/c I wanted to talk to him about some other things. Typical guy, he thought it was something bad and wanted to know what it was about, "is it bad, good, something I won't like...what?" I told him I didn't think that it was bad but then again I didn't know what he would think. He asked if it was about the situation w/ us and I did confirm that. I told him I had been considering some things and I want to know his thoughts on it. I'm prepared for whatever he says. If he tells me he doesn't want to get into a relationship right now I am ok w/ that. Not a problem. Like I have said before, worst case scenario is that we are just friends. With W. I am ok w/ that. I know that no matter what he'll always be a pain in my a$$ so either way nothing really changes much. It really is a can't lose situation.
*Sigh* So I suppose that we shall see....FINALLY. If he gets off work early enough to call and talk that'll be nice. If not, he knows what I want to talk to him about and he may dodge it for a while. That's ok too. At this point.....I'm good w/ whatever. I can't keep putting things off and waiting for everyone else. Like I tell everyone else....Build a bridge and get over it. So the bridge is in progress.
Today I am driving home to visit the family. My nephew's b-day is the 7th so his party is this weekend. Can't miss that and it's time to go see Papa and Granny again as well. Should be nice. I am to S.'s house first b/c she is having a party. Kinda like Home Interiors only w/ sex toys. That will definitely be interesting. Then Sat. I have the birthday party and will probably leave there and go hang w/ B. for a while. Hopefully she will be able to go to church w/ me on Sun. Then it's back home for me. 14 more day until my birthday but unfortunately it may not happen to be anything. B. may not be able to make it due to lack of funds. If W. comes it won't be a big...we'll just go on as planned just w/o the new piercings. Otherwise....who knows. I trust that it'll all work out on it's own. Every other b-day I have ever had has never been a big deal...why should this one. I think that the last time that I had a party of my own I was 7. I had some ppl that had come to have a sleepover. It was great, until my mom found I had lice and everyone had to go home. I think I learned from that not to plan anything. LOL. I am sure that L. and I will go out and do something, it'll just be on a smaller scale. We'll figure it out.
So, conversation w/ W. to be had and so forth. I am sure that will show up here at some point. Until then I guess that is all that has happened that is stuck in my head and heavy on my mind at this point. Hopefully no one else will try to add to the already full load. There's just one thing I have wanted all day long and haven't had.
I just wanna hug!
Some one to snuggle and watch a movie w/ while relaxing and thinking about nothing but the feel of a nice warm body next to mine would be nice.....but a hug would suffice. LOL.
So again kiddies, until next time....and as always, don't forget the safe word. It really sucks when that happens.
B. and I had a long talk about it all yesterday and she left me feeling like shit...then when I called her last night she didn't want to stay on the phone long b/c she was tired b/c we had been on the phone until 2:00 the night before. I get that...NP right? Yea...then I get waken up at 11:30 w/ a text from her saying that she had gotten freaky w/ Mr. V again. OK....wait....am I the only one that thinks this situation is TOTALLY F'd up? I get it though. I totally understand. I'm disappointed but I get it. Can't say that I haven't been there. I pretty much did the same thing w/ J.R. so I really do totally get it. However, W. and I have a bet that they'll get back together before V-day. Who knows if we're right - I don't. I'm just praying that things will work out for the best for her. Lord only knows what that is...I don't.
So from the above you have probably figure that I finally talked to W. this morning. We were texting b/c of everything that has been happening outside of the stuff w/ he and I and he told me to call him and I did. I'm glad I did. By the time that I got to school I was more at ease. I fell asleep last night (the first time I went to sleep) crying b/c I felt like things were going to hell in a hand basket. Basically for the first time in a really long time frustration caught up w/ me and overwhelmed me all at once. I hate it when that happens. W. helped me sort some things out and told me just not to expect so much. We talked about several things and before I got off the phone w/ him I told him to call me back when he got off work b/c I wanted to talk to him about some other things. Typical guy, he thought it was something bad and wanted to know what it was about, "is it bad, good, something I won't like...what?" I told him I didn't think that it was bad but then again I didn't know what he would think. He asked if it was about the situation w/ us and I did confirm that. I told him I had been considering some things and I want to know his thoughts on it. I'm prepared for whatever he says. If he tells me he doesn't want to get into a relationship right now I am ok w/ that. Not a problem. Like I have said before, worst case scenario is that we are just friends. With W. I am ok w/ that. I know that no matter what he'll always be a pain in my a$$ so either way nothing really changes much. It really is a can't lose situation.
*Sigh* So I suppose that we shall see....FINALLY. If he gets off work early enough to call and talk that'll be nice. If not, he knows what I want to talk to him about and he may dodge it for a while. That's ok too. At this point.....I'm good w/ whatever. I can't keep putting things off and waiting for everyone else. Like I tell everyone else....Build a bridge and get over it. So the bridge is in progress.
Today I am driving home to visit the family. My nephew's b-day is the 7th so his party is this weekend. Can't miss that and it's time to go see Papa and Granny again as well. Should be nice. I am to S.'s house first b/c she is having a party. Kinda like Home Interiors only w/ sex toys. That will definitely be interesting. Then Sat. I have the birthday party and will probably leave there and go hang w/ B. for a while. Hopefully she will be able to go to church w/ me on Sun. Then it's back home for me. 14 more day until my birthday but unfortunately it may not happen to be anything. B. may not be able to make it due to lack of funds. If W. comes it won't be a big...we'll just go on as planned just w/o the new piercings. Otherwise....who knows. I trust that it'll all work out on it's own. Every other b-day I have ever had has never been a big deal...why should this one. I think that the last time that I had a party of my own I was 7. I had some ppl that had come to have a sleepover. It was great, until my mom found I had lice and everyone had to go home. I think I learned from that not to plan anything. LOL. I am sure that L. and I will go out and do something, it'll just be on a smaller scale. We'll figure it out.
So, conversation w/ W. to be had and so forth. I am sure that will show up here at some point. Until then I guess that is all that has happened that is stuck in my head and heavy on my mind at this point. Hopefully no one else will try to add to the already full load. There's just one thing I have wanted all day long and haven't had.
I just wanna hug!
Some one to snuggle and watch a movie w/ while relaxing and thinking about nothing but the feel of a nice warm body next to mine would be nice.....but a hug would suffice. LOL.
So again kiddies, until next time....and as always, don't forget the safe word. It really sucks when that happens.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Harsh Truths (&15 more days)
Ever noticed that the truth is usually hard to come by and when you finally get it you wish you hadn't b/c it's always harsh, not what you expected and definitely not what you wanted to hear.
This is what happened to me last night. I was talking to B. about the current situation w/ R. and how he's finally got a date and all but I don't know if he's really letting go. I worry about him and I don't want him to end up missing out on things that would be better for him b/c he wants to get back together w/ me. At this time that ain't happening. He cheated on me....broke 1 of my pure and simple rules. I can trust him as a friend but not in a relationship. Who knows when that will change. But when I ended it we agreed that we would stay friends. Problem is, he hasn't really been letting go. He's trying now but I think in many ways he's still holding tight. B. tells me I am going to have to be cruel to be kind. That I need to cut him loose so that he will be able to move on. At least for 6 months or a year so that he can have time to process everything and really move on. We haven't done that. I told B. I didn't think that would be best but I could see what she meant but I hated to just do that. I have always prided myself in that my house is always open to anyone who needed or wanted to come or call or what-have-you. So she finally dropped it and we went on to other conversations.
Then the bitch got sneaky on me. I hate it when ppl basically make you give them the same advice that they have just given you so that you will have the realization that they are right. But that's EXACTLY what she did. We went to talking about how she never got over Mr. Vanilla (V.) the first time and that's why she was so quick to go back to him. She never stopped loving him. My remark was, "that's b/c he didn't let you get over him. He stayed around as your friend and you never had the chance to...............well damn......you're such a bitch...you just turned the tables on me." Needless to say, she made her point. Doesn't mean I have to like it. Doesn't mean I want to do it. But I see what she means. She's right. R. hasn't had time away to process that we aren't together anymore. We have stayed friends and still talk on a very regular basis. I don't want him to forever be waiting on me to possibly change my mind about us. Who knows if that will ever happen. I want him to move on and have a life and make new friends and memories that don't include me. That's part of moving on.
B. dropped everything and ran back to Mr. V the minute he offered. I don't want R. to be like that. He deserves better. I know I haven't been fair to him in many ways by staying such close friends at this point. He does need to move on and not have contact for a long stint. Now comes the hard part.......actually doing it. I HATE hurting ppl's feelings. I suppose you could say I'm overly empathetic. I know what it's like to get hurt and I don't like doing it to others. Anyone got any suggestions?
I still haven't talked to W. since I left last weekend. It's now Thursday. HUMMM.....oh well. They say hope floats but I guess this time mine sunk. At least we're still friends. I know that b/c we did text Monday and Tuesday. Nothing really yesterday though. One of the students I interpret for is routing for me though. I don't have my hopes up or anything. At this point I really am fine w/ us just being friends and hanging out whenever we are both home at the same time if that is all that is to come of it. No biggie. As Patrick says on the last show of the 1st season of the BBC comedy Coupling in his drunken sleep, " There are other fish in the toilet.....of love." I just seem to have better luck at pulling out sh*t. I'm diligent in the belief however, that eventually the sewer will be cleaned and then the fish will start to bite. I refuse to become what Jeff (same series) calls "an unflushable." That's why I'm not hangin' on for W. If it happens, it happens...if it doesn't, oh well, at least we had a little fun along the way. *evil grin*
B., just remme it's a COCK that is the rooster we want...not a cock. ;oD And that's an additional $4.99 to your bill. hee hee.
So remme kiddies, when traveling the roads of life:
Until next time - *blows kisses*
This is what happened to me last night. I was talking to B. about the current situation w/ R. and how he's finally got a date and all but I don't know if he's really letting go. I worry about him and I don't want him to end up missing out on things that would be better for him b/c he wants to get back together w/ me. At this time that ain't happening. He cheated on me....broke 1 of my pure and simple rules. I can trust him as a friend but not in a relationship. Who knows when that will change. But when I ended it we agreed that we would stay friends. Problem is, he hasn't really been letting go. He's trying now but I think in many ways he's still holding tight. B. tells me I am going to have to be cruel to be kind. That I need to cut him loose so that he will be able to move on. At least for 6 months or a year so that he can have time to process everything and really move on. We haven't done that. I told B. I didn't think that would be best but I could see what she meant but I hated to just do that. I have always prided myself in that my house is always open to anyone who needed or wanted to come or call or what-have-you. So she finally dropped it and we went on to other conversations.
Then the bitch got sneaky on me. I hate it when ppl basically make you give them the same advice that they have just given you so that you will have the realization that they are right. But that's EXACTLY what she did. We went to talking about how she never got over Mr. Vanilla (V.) the first time and that's why she was so quick to go back to him. She never stopped loving him. My remark was, "that's b/c he didn't let you get over him. He stayed around as your friend and you never had the chance to...............well damn......you're such a bitch...you just turned the tables on me." Needless to say, she made her point. Doesn't mean I have to like it. Doesn't mean I want to do it. But I see what she means. She's right. R. hasn't had time away to process that we aren't together anymore. We have stayed friends and still talk on a very regular basis. I don't want him to forever be waiting on me to possibly change my mind about us. Who knows if that will ever happen. I want him to move on and have a life and make new friends and memories that don't include me. That's part of moving on.
B. dropped everything and ran back to Mr. V the minute he offered. I don't want R. to be like that. He deserves better. I know I haven't been fair to him in many ways by staying such close friends at this point. He does need to move on and not have contact for a long stint. Now comes the hard part.......actually doing it. I HATE hurting ppl's feelings. I suppose you could say I'm overly empathetic. I know what it's like to get hurt and I don't like doing it to others. Anyone got any suggestions?
I still haven't talked to W. since I left last weekend. It's now Thursday. HUMMM.....oh well. They say hope floats but I guess this time mine sunk. At least we're still friends. I know that b/c we did text Monday and Tuesday. Nothing really yesterday though. One of the students I interpret for is routing for me though. I don't have my hopes up or anything. At this point I really am fine w/ us just being friends and hanging out whenever we are both home at the same time if that is all that is to come of it. No biggie. As Patrick says on the last show of the 1st season of the BBC comedy Coupling in his drunken sleep, " There are other fish in the toilet.....of love." I just seem to have better luck at pulling out sh*t. I'm diligent in the belief however, that eventually the sewer will be cleaned and then the fish will start to bite. I refuse to become what Jeff (same series) calls "an unflushable." That's why I'm not hangin' on for W. If it happens, it happens...if it doesn't, oh well, at least we had a little fun along the way. *evil grin*
B., just remme it's a COCK that is the rooster we want...not a cock. ;oD And that's an additional $4.99 to your bill. hee hee.
So remme kiddies, when traveling the roads of life:
Love hurts, life's a bitch, and the truth is never easy.
and
It's only 15 more days until my B-day!
Until next time - *blows kisses*
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
A Reason, A Season, or A Lifetime
I was sent this and I thought that it really applied to many things that have happened lately, not only in my life but in yours too. I think sometimes prayers are answered w/o us ever realizing it. Sometimes we just need a little reminder.
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PEOPLE WHO COME INTO YOUR LIFE
I am posting this to see how many actually read this blog. Your response will be interesting. Pay attention to what you read. After you have finished reading it, you will know the reason it was posted.
Here goes:
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your Turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.
*************************************************************************************
There we forwarding instructions for it b/c it was originally an e-mail. So if you want all that let me know and I'll e-mail it to you. I just decided to post it and share it b/c I thought it had some really good points. Hope you enjoyed.
*************************************************************************************
PEOPLE WHO COME INTO YOUR LIFE
I am posting this to see how many actually read this blog. Your response will be interesting. Pay attention to what you read. After you have finished reading it, you will know the reason it was posted.
Here goes:
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your Turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.
*************************************************************************************
There we forwarding instructions for it b/c it was originally an e-mail. So if you want all that let me know and I'll e-mail it to you. I just decided to post it and share it b/c I thought it had some really good points. Hope you enjoyed.
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